#absurd

There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the point of all this is, and also why you didn’t feel that staple you just sent into your thigh. You usually do. You’ll wonder what your company even does. After six years, you have no idea what an information system is, do you? Maybe you should ask. Maybe that’s how this ends. You’ll imagine how poetic it would be to simply unmute yourself and say, “Sorry to interrupt, guys, but what’s an information system?” Still, your mind will drift further, envisioning how much more tolerable this call would be if you could just slowly masturbate during it. So you do. You masturbate during it. And it’s beautiful. Masturbating, invisible within your three-walled fortress. Invisible… invisible… practically invisible. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#corporate-culture #funny #humor #masturbation #office

A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cat #cats #funny #gravity #humor

They took a baseball bat and whacked open his head. Mummy Boy fell to the ground; he finally was dead. Inside of his head were no candy or prizes, just a few stray beetles of various sizes. ↗

— Tim Burton

#death

I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bad-news #crazy #death #family #good-news

Imagine filling a college with the first 1,000 students to get perfect SATs. Whatever the racial composition of that class would be, the notion seems absurd because we know that college in America is supposed to be about creating citizens and leaders in a diverse nation. ↗

— Eric Liu

#absurd #america #because #citizens #class

Shakespeare's name, you may depend on it, stands absurdly too high and will go down. ↗

— George Byron

#depend #down #go #high #may

I'm a national security liberal, which I tell people because it's meant to sound absurd. ↗

— Rachel Maddow

#because #i #liberal #meant #national

I don't think life is absurd. I think we are all here for a huge purpose. I think we shrink from the immensity of the purpose we are here for. ↗

— Norman Mailer

#here #huge #i #i think #immensity

The sight of allegedly sophisticated politicians parroting complete tripe trivialises and demeans government and it has to be stopped. It's played a significant part in public disillusionment with politics and has led to the absurd situation where more people vote for 'Strictly Come Dancing' than voted in the general election. ↗

— John Major

#allegedly #come #complete #dancing #disillusionment

Imagine how asleep or utterly unperceptive and clueless you would have to be not to see yourself as absurd for the most part. ↗

— John Malkovich

#asleep #clueless #how #imagine #most