#absurd

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #surreal #funny

Love is a winding mountainous road. Do you have an extra unicycle and handlebar mustache I can borrow?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #mountains #mustache #mustaches

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#bizarre #brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses

A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug! ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I can't go on, I'll go on. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#drama #existentialism #fiction #humor #nihilism

To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #funny #humor #love #age

I want to create moonglasses, and then write a song called, "I Wear My Moonglasses at Noon." Hopefully, with a little lunar luck, my track will also feature Corey Hart. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corey-hart #funny #humor #luck #lunar

The other day I tried to design a finish line, but I didn’t know where to start. So I just sat there and drank Gatorade. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#design #finish #gatorade #life #sat