#absurd

He wishes he were a skilled poet, it would fit his chosen image perfectly; the poor, tragic, tortured artiste. But he has no talent for words, neither for paints nor music; his uselessness is tremendously total. ↗

— Curtis Ackie

#alchemy #magic-realism #magical-realism #surrealism #music

I became intrigued with colour theory. The absurd pronouncements of the Colour Institute, a group that decides what colours are hot each year or season, amused me. ↗

— John Barton

#amused #became #colour #colours #decides

Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know what to do with. Charmingly domesticated troops of monkeys swing freely throughout our orchid-laden property. You’re probably thinking that a lot of all-inclusive resorts have monkeys. True, but only one resort packs a monkey for each of their guests to take home. You’ll be showing off more than a tan to your friends, you’ll be showing off a gibbon. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#funny #humor #monkeys #resorts #beauty

Sex, like business, is better with multiple partners. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#business #sex #business

Sometimes I say to myself, what are you doing in this absurd job? Why don't you go to Africa and help people? But I cannot help people, because I am a hypochondriac. ↗

— Javier Bardem

#africa #am #because #cannot #doing

If my last name were Om, I’d want my first name to be Fred. Fred Om isn’t worth fighting for, but an extra “e” is. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fighting #freedom #funny #humor #value

I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#football #joe-montana #love #sex #change

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

We all live inside the terrible engine of authority, and it grinds and shrieks and burns so that no one will say: lines on maps are silly. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#authority #life #rules #society #life

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous