#absurd

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

We all live inside the terrible engine of authority, and it grinds and shrieks and burns so that no one will say: lines on maps are silly. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#authority #life #rules #society #life

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous

Stick Boy liked Match Girl, He liked her a lot. He liked her cute figure, he thought she was hot. But could a flame ever burn for a match and a stick? It did quite literally; he burned up quick. ↗

— Tim Burton

#death

What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying. ↗

— Albert Camus

#death #dying #life #living #death

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#life #philosophy #science #death

-My son was 32 when he died.
 -Degrees? So he froze to death, huh? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-dialogue #death

I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #erection #grave #life #midget

My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#food #life #love #love-quote #pizza

I want to be the world’s safest fashion designer. And I always wear my seatbelt, especially when I’m in the car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#designer #fashion #safety #design