#absurd

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #surreal #funny

My love may be invisible, but that doesn’t mean you can’t taste it. (It tastes like a sonic boom, only not as bitter).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bitter #invisible #love #nonsense #sonic-boom

Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

Through the window yesterday I saw a fool talking to himself, and it made me laugh, until I realized it was a mirrored window. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fool #funny #humor #laughter #funny

Scoop out my soul with a spoon like it’s a cantaloupe, and I’ll tell you that love is breakfast. And I’d love to make breakfast to Agatha one more time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #love

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels.... ↗

— Josh Stern

#funny #humor #naked #paints #picture

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-funny-absurd #me #need #reason #women

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #surreal #funny

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor