W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#bull #comes #face #man #must

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#downstream #fish #float #live #remember

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#carry #case #furthermore #small #snake

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#i #like #look #own #want

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#breathes #cat #cheese #clever #down

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#applied #chair #electricity #expert #father

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#bad #children #hates #who

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#her #into #marry #night #out

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#become #drink #i #never #water

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#expect #impress #keep #life #never