W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#add #cook #even #food #i

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#day #every #every day #get #off

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#horse #keeps #people #sense #thing

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#crooked #even #stick #straight #turns

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#i #life #live #my life #over

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#drink #drove #even #her #i

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#because #disgusting #drink #fish #i

I like children - fried. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#children #fried #i #like

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#cure #get #insomnia #lot #sleep

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. ↗

— W. C. Fields

#expect #impress #keep #life #never