Tim Allen

One thing you'll never hear boys--or for that matter, men--saying is, "Charlie, that's a good-looking shirt. Kind of a fun thing. And those trousers make your ass look nice. Can I borrow those? ↗

— Tim Allen

#men

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. ↗

— Tim Allen

#dangerous #electricity #far #floor #go

I do a lot of family shows. ↗

— Tim Allen

#i #i do #lot #shows

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. ↗

— Tim Allen

#figure #good #i #liar #lies

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. ↗

— Tim Allen

#area #avoid #comment #end #large

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress. ↗

— Tim Allen

#like #lot #people #really #stress

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison. ↗

— Tim Allen

#children #choice #choices #had #job

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system? ↗

— Tim Allen

#combine #democracy #each #either #get

I have a thing for tools. ↗

— Tim Allen

#thing #tools

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. ↗

— Tim Allen

#end #ferrari #like #pickup #sometimes