Steven Wright

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year. ↗

— Steven Wright

#tourist #humor

I'm a peripheral visionary. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Cross-country skiing is fine as long as you live in a small country. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad. ↗

— Steven Wright

#dreams

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman. ↗

— Steven Wright

#women #humor

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I didn’t have that much time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over... ↗

— Steven Wright

#plane #humor