Steven Wright

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #shoes #humor

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. ↗

— Steven Wright

#darwin #evolution #theory

You can't have everything ... where would you put it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? ↗

— Steven Wright

#food

How young can you die of old age? ↗

— Steven Wright

#die #how #old #old age #you

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor