Steven Wright

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #nonsense #humor

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. ↗

— Steven Wright

#book #done #got #i #numbers

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ↗

— Steven Wright

#about #dictionary #everything #i #poem

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #unauthorized #writing

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor