Steven Wright

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? ↗

— Steven Wright

#mime #shoot #use #were #would

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? ↗

— Steven Wright

#should #use #you

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#deja #deja vu #having #i #now

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. ↗

— Steven Wright

#hear #i #me #parentheses #you

At one point he decided enough was enough. ↗

— Steven Wright

#enough #point

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. ↗

— Steven Wright

#fast #get #going #harmonica #i

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator. ↗

— Steven Wright

#clothes #escalator #girl #i #met

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. ↗

— Steven Wright

#had #i #out #prescription #ran

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. ↗

— Steven Wright

#driveway #get #neighbor #out

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. ↗

— Steven Wright

#difference #make #make a difference #room #room temperature