Steven Wright

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. ↗

— Steven Wright

#elephant #got #lost #pet #somewhere

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' ↗

— Steven Wright

#around #burned #candle #down #everyone

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. ↗

— Steven Wright

#children #few #i #purpose #wrote

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. ↗

— Steven Wright

#had #heads #i #museum #museums

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. ↗

— Steven Wright

#buy #general #i #me #specifically

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. ↗

— Steven Wright

#bridge #george #hear #him #radio

So, do you live around here often? ↗

— Steven Wright

#here #live #often #you

On the other hand, you have different fingers. ↗

— Steven Wright

#fingers #hand #other #you

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. ↗

— Steven Wright

#dali #dotted #every #fish #fishing

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? ↗

— Steven Wright

#just #me #weird