Steven Wright

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #memory #humor

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ↗

— Steven Wright

#funny #skydiving #funny

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ↗

— Steven Wright

#making #penny #put #someone #somewhere

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #success #humor

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#perspective #walking #humor

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#back #coffee #i #instant #microwave

What's another word for Thesaurus? ↗

— Steven Wright

#another #thesaurus #word

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor