Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#busy #except #local #two #usually

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#children #enough #i #know #parents

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#before #fallen #few #husband #i

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#cult #dogs #i #i wonder #members

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#always #eventually #first #had #his

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#i #leaning #started #sunlight #toward

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior." ↗

— Rita Rudner

#attract #called #car #i #interior

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#after #bad #better #break #break up

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#buy #carpet #child #decide #dog

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#hollywood #marriage #milk #outlasts #success