Rita Rudner

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#humor

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#annoy #being #find #great #i

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#money #humor

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen ↗

— Rita Rudner

#science

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#meeting-men #relationships #dating

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#funny #funny

When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always ↗

— Rita Rudner

#men

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#change

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#work #humor

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#better #bought #ear #experienced #jewelry