Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#bag #i #ounce #put #savings

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#going #good #i #memory #thankful

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#fat #head #i #improvisational #skeleton

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#cats #flew #florida #gone #home

President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#balloons #big #blow #could #countries

There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#many #only #prepare #really #them

When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#gives #graduate #heads #high #high school

When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#capitol #constitution #dome #form #jump

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#al gore #bear #calls #canada #cops

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out. ↗

— Paula Poundstone

#favorite #favorite things #fortunately #i #kids