Patton Oswalt

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#best time #ever #i #i think #now

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#had #i #inside #me #novel

I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#butter #fact #few #fingerprints #get

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#bad #being #bunch #country #dads

Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#early #few #funny #hate #i

I'm not familiar with the metric system. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#i #metric #system

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gold #head #hit #into #midget

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#i #much #you

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#art form #dance #drive #every #focus

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#bush #difference #evil #george #george bush