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Mitch Hedberg

Read through the most famous quotes from Mitch Hedberg




Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!


— Mitch Hedberg


#came #cloud #funny #head #joke

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.


— Mitch Hedberg


#heroine #i #life #need #saved

People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.


— Mitch Hedberg


#dog #dogs #i #life #looked

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.


— Mitch Hedberg


#blackjack #gambling #i #like #play

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.


— Mitch Hedberg


#because #bought #caring #got #i

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.


— Mitch Hedberg


#fingers #had #i #missing #nine

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'


— Mitch Hedberg


#banana #friend #frozen #i #later

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.


— Mitch Hedberg


#eat #how #hungry #i #i am

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.


— Mitch Hedberg


#clean #dirty #dry #means #only

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.


— Mitch Hedberg


#last #last night #night #people #please






About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes




Did you know about Mitch Hedberg?

" He also toyed with audiences that failed to respond in the way he had intended them to occasionally quipping "That joke's better than you acted. Hedberg was interviewed by Jonathan Davis in the December 2001 issue of Penthouse. His act usually consisted equally of compact one- or two-liners (like Steven Wright's) and longer routines often with each line as a punchline.

Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them. His comedy typically featured short sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs. Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg (February 24 1968 – March 29 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery.

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