Justin Halpern

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#humor

See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#humor

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#humor

Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#sh-t-my-dad-says #age

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#relativity #cancer

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#women #sexy

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#humor

... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#inspiration #humor

I hadn’t gone to one dance in my entire high school career. I was six foot tall and a hundred and twenty pounds. When I danced, I looked like a praying mantis on fire. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#inspirational

I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#about #also #book #compile #enjoy