Jon Stewart

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#religion #humor

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#organized-religion #paradox #religion #hope

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#always #been #canada #could #country

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#celebrated #enormous #everyone #feast #had

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#government #humor #politics #public-opinion #humor

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? ↗

— Jon Stewart

#good-questions #life

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#body #born #character #head #i

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#obama #parking #humor

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#dreams

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#humor