Joan Rivers

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#diamonds #floor #god #had #i

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#die #donate #had #i #much

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#bend #diamonds #floor #god #over

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#cremated #day #every #every day #him

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#clothes #diets #like #should #tailored

Never floss with a stranger. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#floss #never #stranger

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#bad #care #enjoy #enjoy life #good

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#everyone #i #saying #succeeded #thinking

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#had #i #long #sex #since

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#husband #killer #love #make #pain