Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. ↗

— Jay Leno

#mad #makes #somebody #stay #who

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that. ↗

— Jay Leno

#laugh #mad #makes #simple #somebody

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ↗

— Jay Leno

#given #god #had #us #vote

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! ↗

— Jay Leno

#call #day #like #men #today

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. ↗

— Jay Leno

#designated #designated driver #driver #each #reason

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza! ↗

— Jay Leno

#average #average people #ever #fat #first

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? ↗

— Jay Leno

#come #headline #here #how #like

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" ↗

— Jay Leno

#fries #girl #i #into #like