Janet Evanovich

[Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton. [Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#new-jersey #humor

You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said. "I just enter. I don't usually break." "You broke down Pitch's door." "Lost my temper." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #stephanie-plum #business

Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie." "Does this involve death?" "Not yet." "Does this involve sex?" "Not yet." "I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie #death

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#grandma-mazur #comedy

Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#comedy

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #life

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#equality

Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #stephanie-plum #funny