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Henny Youngman

Read through the most famous quotes from Henny Youngman




You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.


— Henny Youngman


#heavily #love #pay #you

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.


— Henny Youngman


#great #him #horse #horses #i

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.


— Henny Youngman


#finds #forty-one #i #kill #love

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.


— Henny Youngman


#dope #i #kill #knew #living

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.


— Henny Youngman


#drinks #eighty #glasses #grandmother #need

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!


— Henny Youngman


#bed #complains #feet #first #get

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!


— Henny Youngman


#dog #go #graduated #his #man

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.


— Henny Youngman


#ready #tell #wit #you

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.


— Henny Youngman


#man #poor #self-taught #student #usually

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.


— Henny Youngman


#does #get #gift #his #how






About Henny Youngman

Henny Youngman Quotes




Did you know about Henny Youngman?

Those are my rules. As his fame passed into legendary status he never considered himself aloof or above others and he never refused to perform a show in a small venue or unknown club. He was quoted in an interview with the Web-based magazine Eye: "I get on the plane.

A typical stage performance by Youngman lasted only fifteen to twenty minutes but contained dozens of jokes delivered in rapid-fire fashion. His best known one-liner was "Take my wife—please. "
In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes Youngman's comedy routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes occasionally with interludes of violin playing.

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