George Carlin

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #humor

You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

What wine goes with Captain Crunch? ↗

— George Carlin

#wine #humor

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Life is tough, then you die. ↗

— George Carlin

#reality #humor

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ↗

— George Carlin

#language #large #tool #truth

A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across. ↗

— George Carlin

#whores #humor

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. ↗

— George Carlin

#poor #rich #money