George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. ↗

— George Carlin

#humour #care

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? ↗

— George Carlin

#kill

What year did Jesus think it was? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #jesus-christ #religion #time #humor

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed. ↗

— George Carlin

#kill

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #sex #humor

And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling. ↗

— George Carlin

#nature

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #philosophy #subjectivity #humor

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor