George Carlin

Religion is just mind control. ↗

— George Carlin

#just #mind #religion

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ↗

— George Carlin

#bookstore #defeat #i #me #purpose

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ↗

— George Carlin

#belief #die #gets #goes #roof

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ↗

— George Carlin

#disappointed #every #idealist #inside #person

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. ↗

— George Carlin

#petty #sweat #sweaty #things

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. ↗

— George Carlin

#cause #circus #got #just #left

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. ↗

— George Carlin

#bible #dawned #exam #final #get

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. ↗

— George Carlin

#could #find #him #just #kill

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. ↗

— George Carlin

#desperate #people #say #think #usually

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. ↗

— George Carlin

#believe #i #just #many #much