George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ↗

— George Burns

#another #caring #city #family #happiness

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. ↗

— George Burns

#busy #country #cutting #driving #hair

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ↗

— George Burns

#boy #dead #i #only #sea

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ↗

— George Burns

#like #pool #rope #sex #shoot

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. ↗

— George Burns

#bed #make #stay #unless #you

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ↗

— George Burns

#humor #religion #humor

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. ↗

— George Burns

#birthday #age

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. ↗

— George Burns

#humor

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate. ↗

— George Burns

#success #love

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. ↗

— George Burns

#faces #finally #first #forget #names