Erma Bombeck

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #toilet-tissue #humor

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#battery #car #go #guarantees #live

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#back #box #boxes #business #cardboard

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#marriage #relationships #age

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#parenting #humor

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#gossip #baseball

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#death

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#because #diet #fat #friend #go

When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor