Erma Bombeck

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#gossip #me #national #national pastime #our

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#asking #better #children #critical #other

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#ever #got #i #items #mother

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#grown #kids #most #off #put

Never order food in excess of your body weight. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#body #excess #never #order #weight

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#certainly #decreed #infinite #league #little

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#bathtub #dog #dump #endowed #extraordinary

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#go #guests #house #leave #long

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#children #danced #eat #general #hasn

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#children #goes #more #never #saying