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    Emo Philips

    Read through the most famous quotes from Emo Philips




    In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #gave #guns #our #school #searched

    My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #comics #copy #duplicate #head #heads

    My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #me #mother #often #only #quite

    People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #always #ask #i #kennedy #me

    Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #hello #says #speech #therapy #well

    Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #days #factories #good #happened #ole

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #beat #boxing #chess #computer #kick

    I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.' ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #five #here #i #lady #miles

    People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #concerned #i #me #people #reproduce

    When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas. ↗


    — Emo Philips

    #first #get #had #hot #i






    About Emo Philips

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    Did you know about Emo Philips?

    Philips has several voiceover credits including work on the animated series Dr. Personal life
    Through his formative years before taking the pseudonym under which he performed Philips' given name was Phil Soltanek. Career
    Philips has recorded three comedy albums.

    Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians and garden path sentences spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant.

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