Emo Philips

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. ↗

— Emo Philips

#cd #dutch #german #missionaries #released

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!' ↗

— Emo Philips

#grandfather #last #remember #said #truck

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. ↗

— Emo Philips

#helps #i #me #never #sites

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them. ↗

— Emo Philips

#bar #get #gum #i #lucky

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. ↗

— Emo Philips

#conscious #girl #head #her #i

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. ↗

— Emo Philips

#anything #classmates #copulate #i #limit

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. ↗

— Emo Philips

#evil #i #incompetence #like #office

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!' ↗

— Emo Philips

#asked #father #girlfriend #had #hello

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' ↗

— Emo Philips

#another man #bed #crushed #discovered #get

I'm a great lover, I'll bet. ↗

— Emo Philips

#great #i #lover