Elayne Boosler

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald spot. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#humor

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#been #divorced #i #married #me

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#country #depressed #different #different way #eat

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#again #comes #i #morals #sun

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#against #born #good #good thing #jesus

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#aisles #away #eight #ever #mix

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#close #i #know #leave #men

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#am #artists #doubly #eventually #geniuses

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#key #listen #own #silence #your

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#always #door #every #figure #go