Dylan Moran

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#humour #monster #standup #balance

People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic ↗

— Dylan Moran

#life #life

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#funny #funny

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#fine #i #level #low #me

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#doing #i #incapable #job #ordinary

I don't really think of myself as an actor. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#i #myself #really #think

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#actually #division #famous #footballer #fourth

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#anything #application #else #fill #formal

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#i #just #office #programme #sitcom

I don't want to do the same thing over and over again. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#i #over #same #thing #want