Dennis Miller

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#fat #found #get #likely #more

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#being #best #country #kind #like

It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#inspirational

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow ↗

— Dennis Miller

#prochoice #food

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#biggest #complaint #culture #enough #eternity

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#attacks #bush #clinton #george #george bush

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#about #being #insightful #long #nothing

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#education #know #only #out #problem

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#called #citizens #house #illegal #illegal immigrants

I lapsed into rude. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#into #lapsed #rude