Demetri Martin

There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#comfortable #gets #i #less #like

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#day #forward #i #looking #looking forward

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#either #government #history #i #improv

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#bird #child #door #glass #running

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#bumper sticker #hang #hey #i #like

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#as far as #far #favorite #go #peter

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#course #had #i #jobs #made

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#because #disappointing #disapproval #found #freedom

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#because #comedy #doing #even #got

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#asked #clothing #i #into #lady