David Sedaris

I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #humor

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit? ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #self-doubt #self-worth #humor

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. ↗

— David Sedaris

#deer #possessions #funny

At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me. ↗

— David Sedaris

#technology #typewriters #humor

All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments. ↗

— David Sedaris

#truth #humor

I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed. ↗

— David Sedaris

#insightful #change

It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #humor

The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #funny

It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers. ↗

— David Sedaris

#funny