Dave Barry

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #lumber #humor

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately. ↗

— Dave Barry

#call #humor #life #men #phone

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test. ↗

— Dave Barry

#sat #united-states

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from someone else's plate. ↗

— Dave Barry

#cholesterol #dieting #diet

Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals. ↗

— Dave Barry

#spiders #humor

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their hands and feet make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. ↗

— Dave Barry

#art

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ↗

— Dave Barry

#baby #babysitter #children #family #grandfather

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots) ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ. ↗

— Dave Barry

#washington-dc #humor

The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor