Dave Barry

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. ↗

— Dave Barry

#afford #become #believe #cannot #children

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. ↗

— Dave Barry

#american #any #apparently #had #high

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. ↗

— Dave Barry

#blocks #building #building blocks #fire #four

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. ↗

— Dave Barry

#chat #future #internet #shaping #society

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. ↗

— Dave Barry

#call #computer #life #look #mess

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. ↗

— Dave Barry

#about #advice #defined #listen #modern

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. ↗

— Dave Barry

#approximately #billion #located #miles #oregon

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. ↗

— Dave Barry

#crew #currently #go #hate #i

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. ↗

— Dave Barry

#end #game #pieces #possible #problem

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. ↗

— Dave Barry

#during #fans #football #games #intelligent