Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. ↗

— Dave Barry

#chocolate #humor #peace #humor

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers. ↗

— Dave Barry

#human-beings #united #age

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humour #jokes #funny

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. ↗

— Dave Barry

#noah #titanic #lonely

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #meetings #work #business

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain. ↗

— Dave Barry

#brain

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. ↗

— Dave Barry

#espresso #peets #starbucks #coffee

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. ↗

— Dave Barry

#arise #bark #car #case #dogs