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This isn't really a sin, but I'm not sure if I'm weird for it.
I listen to either BGMs or just any songs in general and in my head, I come up with music videos (that have storylines to it) with my OCs [original characters] in them. One time, I played an entire Chronicles of Narnia BGM playlist on YouTube and for the entire 30+ minutes, all I did was just sit there creating an entire story using my imagination with my OCs while music was being played in the background.
Is that weird??
#music #imagination #musicvideos #musicvideo #video #narnia #weird
Secretly I have not been over my ex. I would say I am obsessed as much as I hate to admit it. I am happily in a new relationship of 4 years but this girl I think of her every now and then and wonder what if I stayed with her.
What if I just tried harder and we tried to overcome the stupid nonsense we dealt with in highschool/college. I always wanted her to be the one and I don't know if it's because I want and yearn her or because I'm curious to see what we could have become.
She currently has a family now and we haven't talked in over a year. I moved to another state with my girlfriend of 4 years and madly in love with her. But I can't get this one out of my head
I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes.
I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours.
Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests.
I'm going to blow my brains out.
I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.
To get to school, I have to drive by bus. And on my bus is this guy, I don't want to say his real name... let's call him Bert.
Bert gets into the bus after me and he has the habit to always sit in the seat next to me.
And I guess he doesn't have flowing water at home or something because he smells really bad!
The most problem is, he has a crush on me. I am 100 percent sure about that. He stalks me on Facebook, as soon as I'm online, he writes me, makes me compliments and stuff... And on the bus, he doesn't say a word and I don't want to talk to him. He's very strange, creepy and he's not cultivated, at all!
And today, he asked me out and I was suddenly so angry, so I yelled at him, insulted him and ran away.
And I have to admit that I don't regret it. Maybe he'll leave me alone now.
I'm in love with my dentist. He's about 50.. I'm a 19 years old boy.
The last months, I saw him over 8 times. Always said that I have terrible tooth pain and stuff.
I wish that I was as talented as other people but it will never happen. I've seen youtube videos of people making incredible music videos, singing, giving tutorials, playing instruments, painting, drawing, etc. and I have to admit, I'm very jealous of those people. I honestly wish that I could do what they do but only better. Unfortunately, I have no skills whatsoever. Want me to draw something? Ok, here's a stick figure. Want to hear me sing? Cover your ears it's going to get irritating. Need me to play an instrument? Again, cover your ears. And don't ask me to make a video of anything because I have 0 tech skills. I don't even know how to photo shop. Every time I see somebody with some incredible talent, it makes me wish I had that talent but ten times better. But, I guess I just have to accept that I have no talent at. Never have and never will.
I’ve always fantasized about transexuals but don’t really act on it often. The last one I met was an escort I found online. Her ad said with condom.
She was really feminine and beautiful. We talked a bit when she showed up at my place. We then moved to the bedroom and played around. She first tried to top me with a condom but I was too tight. It hurt quite a bit since I had not done this in a long time. We just laid there for me to recover and talked more. She told me she fantasized about Asian guys but never been with one before.
After some time, I went down on her for a bit. She then pulled me up and forward toward her. I thought she was going to suck me off, but she just positioned her dick and pushed in bareback. I was shocked and really turned on. I had never done that before. She then just fucked me raw in all kinds of positions and praising how tight and sweet my ass was.
I was so worried but also extremely turned on at the same time. I came riding her. After I recovered, she asked me to fuck her raw and creampie her. I hesitated but gave into my desires. It was wonderful and worrisome at the same time. She told me she was only 21 and not to worry. I hope she’s right.
Why are those people who listen to the worst kind of music also those, who listen to their horrendous music in public without headphones??
My neighbour is one of those hateful people. He not only listens to his music on speaker, but also to all hours all day long. His shitty techno music drives me insane!!
Therefore, I confess that I not only want to point out to him to turn down his music, but I have a particular fantasy where I break into his apartment and destroy everything he owns, including his stupid subwoofer.
I already have the baseball bat I want to use. But for now, it is still only a fantasy. FOR NOW.
I always get aroused when I think about a crush I have. I don't know why I feel this way, I've never felt THIS way with any other guy, but this guy, he must be special. I yearn for him, I want him to fuck me, but the only communication we've had for the longest time has been over text and phone. I've met him in person, that is actually how we met, but he lives two hours away (approximately) and neither of us have driver's licenses.. I don't know why I feel like this for him, but I LOVE it.
#horny #attraction #love #crush
My husband and I were in bed talking about our pasts. He told me all his girl friends and his first wife had cheated on him. He told me everything, I listened, asked about what they did and how he felt. I noticed how his breathing increased. I hugged him to feel better. I noticed he was hard, like really hard. I touched him, wrapping my fingers around him. I looked deep into his eyes and suddenly I realized something important and asked, “Do you want me to be like them and cheat too?” -FHwife
#cuckold #cheating #willing #confession #lust #temptation #discovery #hotpast #girlfriends
I don't know what to do anymore..... Life is so confusing for a man who has nothing in this world and is only getting dimmer and dimmer instead of better like in those fucking tales you see on movies or happy ending books. My mom is a pain who can't even understand how mentally fucked I am dealing with stress she has entailed onto me about how she cant get a job and is relying on me and my sister to take it all in control. This life is no different compared to her as she had to struggle doing the same thing with her mom before that, however this is of new age and of new thinking. It as well concluded to me that I have depression that has a rise over the years due to this family finance as well distress from just an 18 year old still trying to find himself. I found that suicidal thought have became more creative as I become sad where its me blowing my brains out in front of everyone and saying goodbye to jumping off the state bridge and sending off a worldwide video describing to help those in needs such as I am and in hope that they can learn from my mistakes and no not follow in these barbaric and sorrowful steps of a "human". I've been called worse then human such as "idiot" "stupid" "dumbass" to my so called friend..... and even to family members. Another part of me that wants to come out is how my dead beat excuse of a human dad just essentially is homeless and somewhere out doing drugs and such still living to his glory and essentially created this whole black whole of mess.
In this end there is also an answer that I still hope that anyone who stumbles upon this website may enlighten and please tae into recognition...... "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".... It's hard and horrible but all I can say and to keep tings short is that you are not alone and understand that we, me you, whatever it may be can get through this. From writing this out it helped me alleviate some pain physically and mentally and started me back to the engine that could. So please anyone who has eyes and ears, don't be afraid to talk to someone or write out your expressions cause trust me you are in most definitely not alone. Hope this can help someone like me or anyone in trouble. Thank you.
I was born in Nepal and in 1984 I was sent to Kathmandu to work in a factory, I was 12 years old. My brother went to school in Nepal but I was sent to work making money for family. Somehow one of the owners of the factory became my guardian along with another girl named Ruchita who was 11. The man who was our guardian began abusing us right away, his name was Ranjan. The first time he took us to his house he made both Ruchita and myself strip naked and bathe while he stood watching us, it was one of the most humiliating days of my young life. It was a small house and Ranjan's bedroom was across from the one Ruchita and I shared with only a curtain covering the doorway. Some days we were forced to stay naked and by the time the first week passed we had also seen Ranjan naked many times. If he became angry with either of us he would spank us with a switch always having us naked. Then he began making Ruchita or me go into his room at night where he taught us how to masturbate him. It soon led to him forcing us to give him oral sex with the threat of a beating if we didn't comply with his wishes. As this was going on he also touched us in our privates and over time began penetrating us vaginally and anally. By the time I was 13 I was no longer a virgin and Ruchita and I were taking turns sleeping with Ranjan a few nights a week. By that time both of us girls were dominated by him so badly that we just obeyed him since the the older we got the more severe the beatings became. I was 14 the first time Ranjan brought another man to the house and he was from England. I never considered it but today am convinced that man and two other men were paying Ranjan to have sex with Ruchita and me. It seemed like once a week one of those men came at night and I was ordered to have sex with them any way they wanted. There was one of them in particular who was extremely cruel forcing us to submit to rough sex and there were times when he would have both of us at the same time. There was no one to complain to because girls had no rights and no way to escape the situation. I was abused and beaten up until I was almost 20 years old. A man I knew from the factory helped me get to an agency that helped women. I tried to get Ruchita to come with me but she was to afraid fearing how we would be punished if Ranjan found out. I hid and moved around for almost a year before I was able to get into the US and became a legal citizen 10 years ago. Even today girls are being abused in Nepal and no one seems to care. Most girls and women are forced to work and most of the men I have ever met in Nepal or Kathmandu are pigs including my father, brother, and especially Ranjan who was the cruelest man I ever met.
I am throughly discuted with myself. I have a porn addition that involves very young girls. I fantasize about having sex with them and masturbate. but when i get done if feel so much guilt and shame, that i get out a belt and beat myself with it! I give myself 40 lashes each time. this has helped in a mager way. I no longer am atracted to minors that i see on the street. when i see them on the street, i have nothing but love and compassion for them in my heart. And i wonder how anyone could ever hurt them sexually! I know that i could not! NOt ever!!! Yet when i am home alone i get horney and go looking for porn again. I am tired of this sycle! I have sought out help in the past by confessing my sins to a minister; but instead of helping me, he told everyone in the congregatiion about my lust. I had to move to a different city! Now I must say that I have never, not even one time, molested a child! Nor will I! I see kids as individual humans and not sex objects. I love them as if I were them! and if i were them, i would not want someone hurting me sexually. So I discipline myself and stay away from them!!
But this sin of lust has hindered my relationship with God. I desperatly want to be rid of this sexual desire. So I keep beating my self with a belt and doing what i can to resist the temptaiton to begin with. But you can rest assure yourself that i am not a threat to kids in society! I just have an evil desire that I must get rid of at all cost.
Please pray for me!!
(F) When I was younger I would often get very horny when I was ovulating. I would start watching porn and shoving my fingers into my pussy. When that wasn't enough, I would grab a hairbrush that flared in the middle and slowly push it into my pussy, stretching myself out. I'd get extremely wet but it wouldn't make me cum, so I'd roll up a towel and put it on the edge of the bathtub and sit on it, leaning forward so the brush was still sticking out of my pussy. Then I would mindlessly hump the towel, rubbing my clit on it while I showed the hairbrush in and out of my tight pussy. This often led to very violent orgasms that would leave me frozen for a couple minutes.
I was 13 and she was 14 when this happened. When my cousin (f) and I (f) were younger (around the age of 7 or 8) we used to watch porn together, I first came across it on my older sisters computer & I ended up showing her (my cousin). As we got older and whenever we visited each other we'd watch and react to it together in private. One day, the door was locked and we were on the bed watching a lesbian porn vid. She suddenly says "I wonder what it would feel like" then I asked her if she wanted to try it and she said yes. Sooo long story short I ate her out.. At a huge family party might I add :/ She's completely straight and I'm bisexual, we don't talk about it but we still watch porn on days that we see each other. I'm now 16 and she's 17. Our families still don't know about anything that we do or have done (aka each other lol)
Even though I'm surrounded by people and I'm enjoying myself, I still feel lonely and sad. I don't enjoy being alive and I feel like a husk of what I could be.
I've always felt this way, but I wake up each time I lose someone I love more than anything. Someone I dedicate my life to amd it somehow still isn't enough. Since I've given my heart away to people who just shattered it over and over, I'm a deeply troubled person.
Every night it's a battle to go to sleep, because I don't have someone to take care of me and make me feel better from all the people who hurt me and made me this way. I want vengeance on them for doing this to me, but I can't do anything about it.
So many people have harmed me both physically and emotionally, and all I ever want is someone who can help me heal from all of that. Someone I can dedicate my life to and feel appreciated and loved.
It hurts being alone, being treated this way over and over with only false hope to look up to.
#loneliness #suicidal #existentialism #sadness #pessimism #abuse
Circumstances have pushed me & my family to the brink. I was the rock. But people decided to remove me because a disease broke me. Everyone was supposed to get better. Instead everyone is so worse. So now some have come & asked for help. Problem is I had just had a last ditch surgery to save my life. Then I was homeless & stuff. I’m now temporarily where no one wants me. They are barely tolerating me because I did so much for them. But it’s temporary. Then I’m lost.
So while I’m still able I’m trying my best to help those I love. But its so sad.
So my sin is I’m sort of lying. I’m not lying. I’m bending the truth. I’m just trying desperation heaves to save a person whose probably going to die. My hope is to bring them out of their medical situation. Reach them. And at least help them find peace before their condition ends them. If they trust me & I can reach them, they could live. Probably. But doctors can’t reach him. It seems I may be his only hope. So now I must beat my disease to help him with his medical issues. Thing is no one can tell me how. So I gotta do it. That currently includes stretching truths. I’m researching science and medicine.
I’m not sure if someone who is very sick can live long enough to help. Or clear my mind enough to help. But all the experts are striking out. I helped stabilize him. Now can I fix him? That is a big ask.
So I’m trying to fight off this disease. Fight off all the bad. The nearly dying. Poverty. On & on. This is like an impossible situation.
So how do I solve a problem the experts can’t solve? They are paid for it. They studied it. I’m a guy laying on the dumpster heap of life waiting to be hauled off to the morgue or homelessness which will be death for me quickly with my health.
To make it worse. I have been suffering for many days. I tried to rest. Controlled my diet. Purged. Even ate the wrong stuff. It’s getting worse. Problem is I think I know what it is. If it is I need a trip far away. I have no car. I need emergency sugary. I would owe so much money. I have no money. I can’t divert money away from my children. They have a home. If I take away money they lose it.
The reality is I will die. No if. Just when. I can’t create debt they must pay when I’m gone. Especially when it’s just a matter of time. But I’m trying to save a life before I pass. They try to inspire you. But then they give up. When they stop trying. That means your doomed. I’ve noticed they no longer bother with me anymore. It’s like I’m a ghost. That is partially being poor. But it’s everyone when I go. No one cares. They tried to cycle me off. I fought it. Then I realized something. All the people I stop seeing get sick. Then they goto this odd place. Then I never see them again. If I ask no one answers. So I tried to stay. No one will answer me.
So I’m going away so the other patients won’t see me getting sicker & then dying? They tell me no. Maybe that’s true. But I’ve lived longer than all expected. Much much longer. So they tell me all the people that reach that milestone go there. Sounds good. I’m doing great. Except I feel horrible. Barely move. Barely get up. How can that be good? So I calculate. It’s open one day a week. Two hours. That’s 4 patients. If they’ve sent many many people ahead of me there. All these people I used to know. As I’ve lived all the docs moved on. Most of the nurses. There’s basically no one in there that knows me. So it occurred to me. I don’t recognize any patients. All the people ahead of me are gone. All the people behind me are gone. I gotta start looking way behind me to remember anybody. So where is everyone. Oh there’s a lot of new patients. But where are all the old ones?
My family tells me I’m being paranoid. Maybe. I am that guy everyone looks to for a reason. Only I’m not anymore. There’s next to no one in the whole hospital I recognize. So I’ve been a patient longer than anyone has worked there? That’s why no one knows me. The patient is the oldest none high level person that was there. How have I lived longer than all the people who worked there when I started going?
So my family said your sick. Your fine. Well I’m no doctor. But am I missing something. Let’s say there were 100 people ahead of me. They slowly went off because they were doing so well. I never went anywhere when I was doing well. So why was I still there? I heard they must be doing way better. Well that’s not a good sign for me. So I waited my turn. Then people behind me went. On & on. So I heard they are going on other days. Makes sense.
But then Covid hit. We all had to go stand in long lines on the exact same day because we are high risk. A long line of dying people. I’ve looked for over a year. I get there early. Then when I leave I pass everyone else. I only recognize the very new ones. No one knows me. So I did research. I should be dead. I’ve way beaten the odds. So they say your fine. But no one smiles. No one talks. They do to other people. I’m that guy who is dying.
Everyone says oh your always worried. Well not about dying. I worry about other stuff. Even though I’ve almost died. So I’m really confused. But if there was 100 ahead of me. How many were behind me? 100? 200? More? Let’s say 200 total. For four times slots once a month? That’s when one old dud checks on us. If I have issues what do I do? Ask him. So I dig. I could go other times. That’s cool. But he likes to see all of our issue on that one day. In two hours. That’s 4 people. So I ask the lady when does everyone else go. She says who else? All the other patients with my condition. He sees all of you on one day. If he’s only there for 2 hrs on one day. That doesn’t add up. So I ask her where all the other patients go. What other patients? Now I know I’m sick. But am I that sick? Am I missing something?
I say where are all the other patients that are doing great like me. That left the hospital and were sent here. She has no clue what I’m talking about. Well It’s right by the hospital, & far from me. I looked. I see no other places in the phone book. I call & ask. What other place?
So I’ve been feeling horrible for weeks. But I usually bounce back. Not this time. It feels so weird.
I don’t fear it. But I’d like to helpful
There’s no other place is there?
hi, I want to say first of all that i love babies, toddlers and kids with agape and phileao. NOT eros! But i do have an internet porn problem. and sometimes i end up in pedo chat rooms. and I talk about things with these perverts that shock and discust me!! I get wraped up in role play scenerios that are hideously gross! For me, the conversation/role play, is pure fiction!! And i always wonder afterword why i did all that! Becuase everything i said to them is totally contrary to my true nature! My relationship with God has been tainted by this, and i feel that i need to confess my sin in order to be healed. (i.e. have my relationship with God restored) I am really disgusted by what I have done, and vow to never do it again!!!
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