Transftm Confessions

I’m a minor and I’m transgender (FtM). I’ve been “out” to my family for a year, and to friends for about three years. I’m struggling so much, my mom doesn’t support me and says shes “doing it cause she loves me.” I hate to even think about it but a lot of the time I find myself thinking of suicide, or “DIY top surgery” (pretty much stabbing myself). The thoughts haunt me at night, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I’m typing this at 2:44 am. As cheesy as it sounds I always knew I wasn’t a girl, and the first time I tried to kill my self I was 12. Then again at 13. And again at 15 etc. I can’t take hormones or do anything to further my transition, the only thing I’ve been able to do is cut my hair. Clothes wise, the only masculine clothes I have are my dead dad’s, and my room still looks the same as when I was 9 years old and sitting in here makes me just want to end it because I’ll never be in the right body.

Thanks for listening I guess? Sorry for how depressing this is.

#transgender   #trans   #ftm   #transftm   #minor   #suicide   #depression   #selfharm