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Read the best #tac confession stories
Every time I tell someone I like them, I start getting anxiety and start crying, even when they haven't said anything. This has caused people whom I liked to reject me, then I break down even more. I believe this all rooted from my first love.
My first love...I'll call him Jay. We were in kindergarten together and here is where I first recognised what the phrase 'crazy in love' was. We were pretty much inseparable, but more like he just didn't have a choice. I was the clingiest 5 year old in the world. I would rarely ever separate from him other than to go to sleep, go to the bathroom, or travel.
Flash forward about 3 years.
I am absolutely CRAZY about him and the way I show my affection is very strange--I hit him and kick him--so much that he goes to school with bruises.
Flash forward again 3 years.
I realise my how unhealthy I truly am. I start having severe anxiety and breakdowns. I decide to confess my infatuation with Jay. I tell him about my feelings and he responds "I know, but I really don't like you. You always hit me." He then walks away. Even 4 years after that, we still aren't separated. I am still in love with Jay, but I manage to keep it under control. At this time I think I am a sophomore in High school. For these past years he had tried to avoid me and eventually he succeeded, but now he tries to have conversations with me and be affectionate. So, now I'M the one who is avoiding him. This almost 10 year crush is speaking to me after 4 years of not speaking at all. I decide to take an exchange program to China and all of my friends are freaking out and telling the whole school.
........Jay is in the program too........
These 'coincidences' mustn't just be in my head.... right?
Am i going insane? I'm autistic. They once put me on some meds that made me loopy. When i watched TV it was like the TV was talking to me. I thought i was going nuts. Everything was strange. Then i realized it was the meds. So i quit taking them & my head cleared. Turns out the TV was talking to me. You know how some TV shows are preaching or trying to sell you something or ask you to donate. In these shows they are talk to a camara. There you go. They were talking to me. So the meds made me hallucinate to an extent. I'd never had that happen. But i also had a guilt complex.
Thats where you want to be guilty. So while on the meds i had been admitting to things that were not true. They knew that, but it made no sense. Well. I was beat a lot as a kid till i admit to things adults & other kids had actually done. For example. If they stole something & got caught they blamed me. I had to tell the person, it was me, i stole it. Then i took the punishment. Even though i did nothing wrong.
So on the meds i remembered things people did to me or others. I then said it was me & blamed myself. Anyways; once off meds i stopped doing that.
I have a photographic memory. I'm autistic. As a kid i had to lie. The adults changed their stories & i had to repeat the new lies. On & on. So i would. I learned to tell yarns. What i would do is tell the truth; then add some bull crap. This way i had told a truth; but could deny it. But to avoid getting in trouble with my nutty family or whoever; i would also tell whoppers. Thats when i told an obvious load of crap.
One of my kids picked up on it. Dad i know when your lying. If you repeat something its true; otherwise its made up. So she had figured me out. She was filtering out my stories. When certain things kept being repeated she knew it was real. But i then told her you still have a problem. I never tell anyone the whole story. I always only give you a taste. Then keep all the details & rest of the facts to myself. I had no choice as a kid.
So right before this pandemic i got a divorce & nearly died. So I'm very depressed. But not on meds that affect me. So no hallucinating. That only happened the once.
When the pandemic hit i felt sorrow for my fellow citizens. So i played a game. I took the truth & tweeked it. Told my real beliefs; but altered things to get a desired outcome. Basically i was trying to get different people i contacted to work together; or do the right thing. Trying to get different political partt politicians to do things from the other side. Whatever. Basically i wanted the best for all of you.
Its a pandemic. I was afraid if i didnt that our country would have riots & more deaths. I love all good life. But i don't love evil. Aggressive dogs; evil humans, i don't like them. So i encouraged good things to happen; but i challenged & called out those doing bad. I'm still doing it. I was trying to avoid what we now have in the streets; riots. The media causes them. Yes; they use real things that make you mad or sad; then the media spins it; & tries to get a desired outcome.
Politicians; actors; TV evangelists; they all do it. How to get you to vote for them; send your money; believe they care; whatever.
So ive played them. Tell them what needs to happen; but make them think its for their own good. Will them re-elected; whatever. Make a repub support health care. Make a dem support our military. Whatever.
Ive also tried to reach the trouble makers. The one on the far extremes who write stories & tell half truths. They want their extreme views supported & believed. The lemmings on either fringe fall for it. For example; these riots. A man was basically hunted down for tresspassing. Another was choked out for fake $ as he begged for life. In neither case had the killer planned to kill, but they did. In neither case was the victim without fault, but a minor transgression should not lead to death. So I'm trying to get people from each side to see that. Peace exists in the middle. I'm trying to pull all of you towards the middle for your collective good.
These marches were OK at first; same with the media coverage. But once the goal was accomplished; the perpertrators arrested & charged; the media & marches needed to back off. To get whats best for the whole. But they are not. As a result innocent people are being harmed; looting & arson are occuring as the criminals & anarchists use these tragedies for their own purposes. So I'm trying to limit that.
Some in the media want one or the other politician elected. They are using a tragedy to influence outcomes. This is causing great tragedy just to try to trick lemmings into voting one way or the other.
We now have store owners trying to save thier lifes work; as low lives try to destroy it. They are attacking the store owners. Then the extremists reporters are trying to blame the store owners. Innocent cops are being attacked; & again, the extremists in media are trying to justify that.
We have to charge guilty cops. But we also have to charge guilty criminals who attack cops. Some will say we don't need cops. OK; then we are left with the wild west. I used to be able to shoot a quarter at 400 yds. I could run & shoot a moving target. I have special forces in my family. Hunters. Do you really want to go wild west with us? Because you will not like the outcome. This is why we need cops & laws. They keep criminals in check; & keep people like us from hunting our own justice. Make sense? Me personnally; I'm very passive. I forgive almost anything. But at a certain point; we all will fight back. We can't just lay down & die. We are watching that play out on TV. Cops are trying to show restraint; store owners are trying to save all they have. Criminals are trying to harm innocent cops & store owners.
Lost in this are the good people. There are kind people out there in those protests. They are just asking why was a man who tresspassed & maybe stole some copper hunted down & killed by non-cops? Why was a man who used fake money choked to death? I get the community watch. Ive lived in bad neighborhoods. But that stopped when they chased hI'm & got out with guns. He had not broken into an occupied house; not physically harmed; or been on their property. So they over reacted & it led to his death.
I know cops have a job. I know drug using criminals can act innocent; & then try to kill you. Happened to me once. Almost got me killed. I was dealing with a work release nut on PCBs who was convicted of trying to kill an old lady. I didnt know that till later. I was attacked. I won. He begged for mercy. I let him up & tried to leave. He tried to kill me. I beat him again. Others convinced me to let him go. He then tried to kill someone else. Before trying to kill me he had been trying to kill someone else. So cops never know if thats what they are driving up on.
However; this man was subdued with multi cops present. I think the crowd yelling at the cop is partially why he never let up. They triggered his fight or flight; he wasnt letting up because they were trying to demand it & filming him. Whatever the cause; maybe they just distracted the cop. Maybe he turned evil. I don't know. I do know a man died for a stupid reason.
Well; in the midst of me trying to help all of you work together; along comes the pentagon saying the Tic Tac UFO videos are real. What? I thought they had been faked or altered. This means we either have very advanced tech. I used to work in the space industry. What i watched is so beyond rockets & jets. Maybe you didnt ever draw blue prints; make a 100 in Pysics; or build things that enter space. But i did. This is mind boggling.
Well heres what has me questioning my own sanity as ive been playing the fringes trying to get yall to love each other & work together. I saw a Tic Tac. It was the 70's. I lived literally by a military base. Me & about 12 adults stood feet from it. They were shocked & scared. I was curious & studied it. I'm autistic. Was told I'm a genius. And had a photographic memory.
What i saw up close is the same type of craft the Navy calls a Tic Tac. All you see is a heat sig. I saw the real craft. Studied it.
But i thought it was a real US secret craft. The adults thought it alien. I laughed at them.
Then people called the news. The news ran a show on how abductions may be real. I then had weird dreams. I just laughed all these yrs. The scared adults & TV stuff caused my subconcious have two funky dreams. The dreams faded as i jumped up & tried to flee. It was weird dreams right? Or is that how aliens abduct people? Ive never & still don't believe in that. Yet i had weird dreams; but got away in mine.
So now ive been thinking if UFOs are real; are abductions? Are these crazy peoples stories sometimes real? Did i just think i was dreaming. Were whats now grays really in my room trying to get me & i escaped? I think it was dreams; but scientifically i have to accept it may be real. Mine probably a dream; maybe theirs are real. Being autustic i need provable things. I don't believe in ghosts & magic & bigfoot.
So; I'm watching this alien stuff & trying to decide is other stuff real? This led me to the men in black.
Don't laugh. When i was a boy a man tried to talk to me. I wouldnt go; so he tried to abduct me. He came back. I messed him uo for life. Fuck him. I should have finished him. Because he came back & tried to kill me. I then moved.
It happened the same yr i saw the Tic Tac. I never linked it together. He was dressed in dark colors; mostly black. Even a black car. But it was nothing like the crap you read in the stories or see in movies. I always thought it was just a perv on drugs. We had a lot of child mollesters & nuts on drugs grabbing kids in the 60's & 70's. So now i have to consider; was it related, was he a man in black? Wow. He was the scariest part of my whole life. Ive never been able to deal with having fought that basterd.
Then i stumbled across star children. You wont believe me; but ive had people just walk up over the last 20 yrs & tell me I'm a star child; nordic alien, crazy stuff. Witnesses have seen it happen. I always thought it was crazy people. But its happened multi times. So. Weird people watch these shows & believe it. But why approach me? Well; women have always approached me for some reason. Kids always mostly liked me. Nice animals. But more than normal. Animals just following me; landind on me; mean animals afraid of me. Everyone goes thru that stuff. It just happened to me a lot more often; to the point people would notice & ask why. Same for babies reaching for me; toddlers following me around; pretty women walking up & talking to me. I always figured its cause i was cute; am nice, & maybe put out pharamones. All of that stopped in recent yrs after i nearly died.
Then theres all the weird people who have told me my eyes glow. That has happened 100's of times. My dad denied me because of my eyes. But i don't see my eyes glowing; nor do most. I think its just because i have very odd eyes that seem to change colors & reflect light oddly.
But; i can not deny two experiences. I can explain one. As a tiny boy i was saved. Weird thing. My body stayed; but my conciousness seemed to go to Heaven. I talked to a long haired man in a robe. He told me why i was here. My conciousness returned. And i had a quiet voice in me. Obvi some will say Jesus & others I'm lying. I don't know. Some will say my self concious; others Holy Spirit. Rather than try convince you my faith is real. Let's stick to science. My brain did something there. I didnt see dellusions in real life. No magic. But i did change. I went from thinking it was ok to hunt; to feeling sorry for animals. I suddendly had a quiet voice telling me right from wrong. I suddenly had an understanding of what the Bible meant. And had always had an earie understanding of space even before this. I was four. I had no TV; no one spent time with me. I rarely had ever left house. I'd spent over a yr locked in a room alone. I'd never been to Church. My family despised Christians. So where did i learn so much about faith; & how did i know things about space that science is just starting to suspect? Advanced brain? I'm sure theres a scientific explanation. I just haven't tried to figure it out; because it saved me. Thinking the Holy Ghost is what speaks to me is how i endured a hard life. I really believe i went to Heaven; talked to Jesus; & have the Holy Spirit in me. That doesn't mean i do. But it is why i saved lives; protected people; & forgave. So it made me a better person. So that can't be bad.
As a teen i nearly died. My body was basically temporarily dead. My conciousness returned to Heaven. I saw kind people i had met who were gone; the mean people i didnt; i was surprised some i expected to be there were not. I once again talked with whom Christians call Jesus; & chose to return. Obvi. that could be my sub-concious on the edge of death, or real if you believe in an afterlife. You the reader decide. I can't prove it either way. I know people witnessed the event & thought me & another person dead. They came back first. They were frieghtened & hysterical & they tried to run & hide. This was a very cruel person. They told me theh saw something really bad; but didnt want to talk about it. I saw something wonderful. Maybe they felt they would goto Hell when they die? I know this person was a very evil person. Also a drug user. So who knows.
Well. I don't know. I do know i wish i had never seen that Tic Tac as a kid. I wish those videos had never been leaked. I wish the Navy & now Pentagon had never confirmed the videos are real. Because now while dealing with poverty; a suppressed immune system; a divorce; my kids having issues because I'm not in their lives; worrying if the virus will kill me or my loved ones; worrying if me or my family will be killed by these crazy loons in the streets taking advantage of marches to riot & kill. I was attacked back in the Rodney King riots. I lived in an all black area & didnt see race. But too many around me saw my red skin as white & hated me for it. I didnt even know about the riots until i was in one. I had to beat the fucking hell out of people to live. I picked up a 240 lb man & slung him around like a rag doll because he tried to kill me. I had to run from a large mob charging after me. I had to change colleges; neighborhoods; & job. Eventually all that hate passed & i felt safe again. My kids have diverse friends. But wirh this starting up again; i have to start watching who is around me. As a mixed person with my sweet black nephew in the room beside me; i don't like having to scan people to see if they seem threatening. However; i was almost killed; called racist names & threatened in school/work/restaurants/shopping/neighborhoods. My black friends avoided me because other blacks may be mad or attack them. I was hated by some who had never met me. They threatened to kill me. Most didnt take part; but they didnt speak out against it. When it was over months later some of my ex-friends tried to approach me. So did my ex-roommate. They tried to explain they had to stick with their people. I couldnt understand how a stranger in the street meant more to them than a person who used to set & watch movies; laugh; joke; play sports; eat; & laugh with them. But; I'm autistic; I'm used to that. So i just moved & joined a white community. I never felt like part of them either; I'm mixed & autistic, but at least they were not trying to kill me, breaking in my car & home, calling me racist names, & threatening me & my tiny nieces & sister just because we had lighter skin. After grocery shopping i was surrounded by 6 males, one with a gun, i was holding a tiny girl in one hand, & the hand of another. The gunman threatened to kill us if we didnt move. They didnt want us in their part of town. So we moved. People try to blame one race for this. Being mixed race & autistic i can't pick a side. I'm just a Christian. I'm going to Heaven. But my skin is lighter than some; & that makes me the enemy to some. Racism cuts both ways. Every race has haters within it. So try to stay safe: now we have to worry about wearing a mask; 6 ft; bankruptcy; possible homelessness; & if a mob of loons will suddenly try to kill us.
#tic #tac #ufo #alien #yarn #god #heaven #pandemic #coronavirus
Are UFOs real. I’ve never believed in them or anything stupid like ghosts. I’m exceedingly scientific. I need proof. Bigfoot is possible, but would be an ape. I need proof to believe though. Same for aliens.
Here’s the problem. I saw a Tic Tac long ago. Studied it. Touched it. I thought it was just a secret craft from the military base I lived beside. My very advanced mind; after looking in and studying the craft, could explain it to myself. So it just seemed like high tech.
Then the Navy releases these videos. I see another Tic Tac. Yes. It can do all that in real life. Those videos are not faked. The question is, why are they showing me this now?
My theory. Too many people have phone cameras. Internet. They can’t just hide it. So they misdirect.
Look, a UFO. We don’t know what it is either. We shall call it a PPO (made that up). Now; when we say he look at this; they just say yeah, we don’t know either.
Now they have released more UFO “proof”. Yet it proves nothing. See; how can I now believe them. Media can be faked. Look at movies. So at this point I’d have to see aliens to believe it.
Here’s why I can’t let this go. After I saw that thing I had this weird dream. In the dream I thought I was awake. But with me were greys. This is long ago before Close Encounters was made. I’d never heard of greys.
My neighbors who saw that craft with me swore it was a UFO. One lady still claimed she was abducted years later when we talked.
The local reporters warned us about sightings and possible abductions. Crop circles around the world. Was nuts. Then it all just passed and I laughed about it.
There’s two issues that make me scratch my head though. I worked in the space industry. I never saw anything even close to the tech I saw in that Tic Tac. It’s power source was amazing.
Then there’s that dream. How do you dream make believe stuff while you seem to be awake? They seemed pretty real. Other than walking thru walls and talking in my mind. When they left I was still awake. How did my mind do that? I never did that again. Crazy.
I’d watch scary movies. Id dream of scary monsters. But I’d wake up. Why did I dream of short weak creatures that just talked to me?
They were very impressed by me in my dream. We talked about space and what humans need to do. Nothing exciting. Why would I dream of that?
Still. It was just a dream. When I finally forced my mind to fully wake up, they were gone. So I’m still convinced I dreamed that. My mind just really tried to make it real, & couldn’t. I wonder if that power source caused that? I stood by it a long time.
So I still don’t believe in this stuff. I just wish our government wouldn’t mess with us. They told us it was all BS all these years. Now they claim it’s real. Well if what I saw was an alien craft; instead of a secret craft; does that mean space aliens really walked thru my wall and chatted with me? I’m too old for this mess.
I am still very devoted to my ex boyfriend.... We don't see each other anymore but I don't want to lose contact to him.... The last time I saw him was in March and he doesn't answer me in Facebook... If he only knew how I feel about him... He took a part of my heart with him....
I miss my ddlg relationship so much I don’t think I can love anymore else again but every time I’m with him I hate myself because of things he brings up whenever we weren’t even together.
A friend of mine flew to New York, shortly after the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11. Because I knew when he arrived in New York, I sent him a text message like: "Bush, Bomb, Attack, Terror" or something like that.
He was scared after the plane had landed and he tought be would get arrested.
But nothing happened.
#attacks #wtc #newyork #bomb #terror #textmessage #evil #confession
Im in love with both of boyfriends roomates.. I long for them so much. I just want to curl up on their laps and spend my time with them in their arms. Not to mention the sexual fantasies.. I won't ever do anything, they are all close friends and im not that kind of person it just.. hurts.
Skinwalker Ranch. These scientists are in for a surprise. I also saw a Tic Tac. I’m also smart. Decided I’d study it. Try to climb in.
See they think it’s OK. They will visit the ranch. Then go home. Uh huh.
I laugh my butt off. They may have light bending armor. Walk thru walls. Oh just wait. They have a lot more stuff. Can do a lot more stuff.
These scientists may find out these beings can become fascinated. Leave that ranch. Follow you around. Mess with you.
Portals? Ha. It’s wilder than that.
These scientists are so curious. Uh huh. Let’s see how they act if the beings decide to start chatting with them. Take them to another dimension. You don’t want the answers.
It’s like watching high IQ idiots fall down the same rabbit hole I did. Well at least I can watch some other morons as foolish as me.
Get ready for paranoia and weird stuff. It never ends if they find you interesting.
I can’t wait to see the next episode. Let’s see if one of them at some point decides they want to fight one. Oh I tried that. That doesn’t work. Like fighting an invisible super hero. Oh I want to see that episode. See if they do better than I did. Just don’t get caught alone.
#skinwalker #ranch #tic #tac #alien
Im a 31 year old bi-sexual girl. And i must admit i do like my body. Wide hips, big ass, nice stomach, and avarage size boobs, and a cute face with sexy lips. Hazel eyes and long dirty blonde hair. I do have an odd fetish. Every morning as soon as i wake up before i go to the bathroom i walk to my glass patio door and slowly lean myself against it. As soon as my sensitive body parts hit the coolness i exhale hard and fog the glass. I slowly press everything hard against the glass while completely naked. Usually my body is pritty sticky and sweaty in the morning so i smear up the glass pritty good
: ). I stand as close as i can get my body to the glass and keep my legs touching eachother. Then i bend my knees forward untill they hit the window, then i lean the rest of my body inward and press everything hard against the cool surface. My knees, upper legs, thighs, hips, especially vagina, stomach, and tits get smashed flat against the window then i open my mouth wide and exhale hard but slow so my morning breath steams the glass up all around my face wich i duno why but loveeee doing. I can just stand there flat against the abused glass naked and breath heavy with my nose and lips slightly touching the cool glass and just watch the steam build up for hours and hours, and sometimes i actually have done it for hours. I can pass out from the bad smell comming from my morning breath as i make the glass smell grose. Hehe. I usually draw things in my breath like harts and all kinds of things, after a while i will start kissing the glass and perk my pritty pink sleepy lips up and smash them flat against the window with my botton nose pressed against it too. Thats when my puffy vagina starts to get real wet as well as im straining to keep it pressed hard against the glass. As i kiss the glass a couple times ill then lean just my face back a little bit and look at my kiss prints, uhhh they look so sexy as I turn myself on so i slide my finger over one of my lip smears as i get more and more horny and open my mouth to exhale heavy as i fog the glass up over and over i then start to grind my hips and thighs hard against the glass. Just thinking about what im doing fells amazing down there as i actually began to have long hard passionate sex with the glass door in my bedroom. My nipples feel like they can really cut glass there so hard and how im keeping them so flat and ferm against it. As i start breathing heavier i start panting on the window and kissing and sucking the glass. Uhh im so horny. My eyes are closed and im in feel good land were nothing else matters and all i can think about is me and the glass. I thrust myself hard against the glass, so hard i can actually feel the glass bending outward im fucking it so hard but it feels to good to care. Im after smashing mirrors before by having sex with them too hard, and once i lid one down on the floor and sat on it indian style with my legs and bum pressed so hard to it i smashed it into pieces. I only got a little cut on my left leg just under my ass cheek. But this glass door is stronger and thicker, Its ben putting up with me rapeing it for over five years now just about every morning and sometimes after i work out and i didnt smash it yet. So i keep rapeing the glass thrusting my vagina hard against it fucking it hard but slow so i can feel every grind. I reach down and open my pussy lips a little more and smash my soping wet sex organ flat on the glass again as i feel the inside of it flexing and spazing against the wet hot window im rapeing. I feel so sexy. I keep kissing and sucking hard as my mouth makes sounds. I picture watching myself on the other side looking at my wide hips bucking while flat. my sexy legs flat to the window leaving thick leg prints. my stomach expanding and contracting against the glass as i inhale and exhale, my tits flat as well while my nipples look like there gonna come through, my nose and lips smearing the glass so bad i can bearly see myself and my breath condinsation now beeding and dripping down the window and sooking my breast with my mouth open breathing heavy and moaning so loud i can hear myself clearly through the window. My pussy pressed so hard against it sliding up and down and leaving a trail of lust juice sliding down the glass, as i look close i can see the inside of my vagina twiching while flat cause of the sensation im getting from the smooth feeling of the glass. And i can clearly see the liquid oozing out the center while flat on glass. That section of glass is so lucky. My pussy has ben exploading life alternating orgasms while open wide and smashed on it almost every morning sence i lived here, sometimes twice a day feeling it spaz outta control and sucking it while flat as if it was trying to make it suffer. My naked body owns the glass for its my passion, my sex, my slave. while flat to glass my whole body feels so good. It feels like im taking it from the glass through my pussy and into my body, i just wanna press every inch of myself flat against the glass and rape it. As my pritty mouth keeps sucking and making a mess as well i start my orgasm and i really cannot explain the sensation. Its like i forget who i am for a bit and just become one with the glass as my whole body contorts and shakes. The only things i can feel is my extacy orgasm that no guy or girl ever gave me going into my pussy and through my body even to my toes. And my pussy felling like its a running tap. I cant handle it and i yell so loud if anyone is outside they would here me no problem, if not for the fact im plasterd to the glass with my sticky sweaty flesh i would colapse in orgasm. Im pritty sure i keep thrusting my hips while going through this. Thats how i smashed some of my mirrors. My sex was to much for it during orgasm i bucked to hard and never realized it. A part of me wants to smash the glass door into pieces too while in orgasm. Im surprized the feeling i get while in extacy doesnt come out my hot vagina and smash it as well, or even the wait of my naked body making it bow and bend. Its really really the best feeling in the world... And my friends wounder why i dont keep dates long. Its because the feeling i get is nothing compared to glassex. And the fact that i know ppl watch me is sexy too. There is a girl in the other wing of my building but her glass door is only like 20 feet or so from mine and every morning like clock work shes there leaning her legs and hips on the glass in her underwear watching me rape the glass, uhhh i loveeee it. But i think shes fully strait, which is to bad but i know i make her horny, she even leans in and kisses the glass sometimes when she knows im looking.
... True story : ) xo
#glassex #glass #sex #window #legs #orgasm #lips #hips #sexy #female #hot #naked #door #ectacy #tits #nipples #nose
I'm 22 female. For a few moths now I've been fantasizing about having sex with my uncle out of nowhere ! I get so horny that I masturbate to my thoughts of fucking him like crazy! What turns me on the most is that it's wrong and sneaky, that just drives me crazy just the thought of us sneaking around and him cuming inside of me is everything. I do feel bad but I know if I ever get the chance I would want more just cause of the thrill. And he has not one clue about this smh.
I'll admit it: I'm human and I get so envious of others and how much is going on in their lives and I hate myself for it. I hate that I even have these feelings in the first place because my life is my own and I have made the choices I have made that have led me to today. No one else made them for me and for the most part, my life really isn't that bad. I don't need to have the biggest and the best house, job, car, etc... I've got somewhere to live, a nice enough car, a cat, plenty of wine and a decent job. What more should I want for besides someone to share my life with and maybe some actual friends? I'm working on it!
In the end it just feels like it's not enough when my sister comes over and I get so angry at myself because normally I like my life and who I am and it's not her fault that she makes me feel jealous and stupid. I should be the bigger person and just let this go but she seems to be a like a storm: something that just comes along with all it's thunder and lightning and their's nothing you can do to halt it's approach. It's a cycle and by the time she leaves or I leave every time we get together, I almost feel like I'm in physical pain from the press of holding my emotions in check. I always end up balling like a pathetic idiot just to release some of the tension. Often I have trouble breathing. It's almost like a panic attack is induced or something and I just don't get it.
To give you some background, my sister is two years younger than me and 20 kilos lighter. I'd probably say I am the prettier of the two of us even if I am overweight although she has a nicer smile and definitely knows how to dress. We grew up in a small town and I was the only farm girl in my year group with the other 9 girls being town girls. It was just two different worlds. I grew up liking the outdoors and using my imagination but the townies liked sitting around and gossiping about boys and clothes, etc. My sister on the other hand, had four other girls her age who grew up on farms and they all became fast friends. I went through school going from friend to friend and as a result, my social skills are somewhat lacking. Don't worry, that's not the case so much these days but I just don't get people like she does and despite trying to be a laid back person, I just seem to be so sensitive. I can't handle it when people let me down or don't live up to my expectations. It also doesn't help that we have so many of the same interests. We worked for similar companies, we both like reading, writing, art, cooking and sewing. I feel like I can never be an individual and I am too embarrassed to show any of my artwork to my family who scorned the fact that I like(d) manga & anime when I was younger and still do. I am the black sheep of the family and if my own parents and siblings judge me for my tastes so much then other people outside the family certainly will. However she likes country music which is still in the 'safe' category. She gets teased for being into it but she doesn't get scorned whereas a lot of people in Western society see an anime episode and just see it as a cartoon when many animes can be very violent and for adults only. I don't like them for being cartoons alright. I like then because I like entertainment. I'll watch/read almost anything but I particularly like anime because it is not as constrained as Western stories/cartoons. It mixes my two favourite mediums together after all: stories and art. But no, apparently I am childish and immature when I'd probably say I am MORE mature simply because I have broadened my horizons and I am interested in all sorts of areas.
Moving along: she met her future husband when she was 19 and that was it. She's married a lovely man in a beautiful ceremony and now she's six weeks out from having her first child. Her life isn't perfect by any means but she couldn't have asked for a more wonderful start. She lives in a brand new, enormous house on a massive farm. She's rich and she has horses, dogs, a cat, a big garden and an amazing car and she's only 25. There's no doubt about it: she knows what she wants in life and she gets it. Not only that, she's really pretty and can flirt like there's no tomorrow. She is a great conversationalist and always the centre of attention. She's confident and self assured. Guys are always hitting on her. She even told me that a workman from a neighbouring farm hit on her last week and she's married and 7 1/2 months pregnant!!! What the heck?!
It's no wonder I feel fat, frumpy and tongue tied when she's around. Our conversation largely consists of her and her life and her calling me a dag because apparently I have an odd sense of humour. So what if I'm quirky? So what if I haven't had a boyfriend (and god knows if I ever will since my flirting skills suck so much - I'm shy alright! That doesn't mean I won't say yes if you ask me! Why should I have to ask? Not all girls have to be confident because surely not all guys find that sexy?) We talk about her all the time and how great her sex life is and how much of a pain it is to be pregnant. You know some of us are terrified that we're going to end up alone and never have any children of our own! And if I dare complain about it's the same old, "well you just need to be more confident and flirt. Nothing will come to you if you don't put yourself out there." Yeah well I don't want to simper and fawn! I want to meet someone who will talk with me and make me feel comfortable. I am shy and I don't want to be rushed into something and expected to have sex on the first date. I don't like touching someone as a form of flirting because frankly I'd be a little alarmed if some guy did that to me the first time we met and started talking. She never asks me what's going on in my life and she's constantly making me feel like an idiot because she always has such a tremendously strong opinion that you doubt yourself and start believing that maybe she is right.
I don't like her freakin friend okay! (Something we argue about more than anything else) And I am effin' entitled to my opinion! She's a horrible person who has upset all the other friends in their social circle and my sister still can't see it. This person didn't come to the hen's night and on the wedding night, after I had given my speech, she decided to upstage me by doing her own speech. She tried to make it look like she wasn't getting up on her soap box by making the other two bridemaids get up there with her - one of which was quite drunk and going through some horrible family issues and all three of them made terrible speeches. And then, my sister blames the drunk one and says how dare she do that on my sister's wedding night instead of caring about how much her friend is hurting. I mean, who does that? Yes, your wedding is a very special day and your friends should leave their problems at home but life happens and I can't believe she can be so on the side of one friend (who everyone else hates) and so mad at another who has been a far longer friend and had a lot of things going on in her life and was dragged into making a speech that she never should have had to make.
In the end it is so humiliating to be jealous of her and I am trying so hard to be me and improve in my own way and I should be grateful to have advice from her (or so everyone and my conscious keeps telling me) but you know what? I don't freakin' want any of it!!! I don't want these feelings and I just want to be me. I want to be able to see her and not have a complete meltdown. Is that too much to ask for? I want to have a few of my own wins in life and I want to freakin do it myself! I don't need advice from someone who's basically got lucky. Yeah I admit I thought and probably still think I am smarter and more widely read than her. I admit that I did better in school than her and thought that I was always better than her and I freakin hate that I even thought that in the first place because I never thought I was that type of person. I hate myself and I hate that I do that as well and that I am so freakin hard on myself. I just wish my chaotic thoughts would take a backseat for a change and leave me the alone because you know what? Life is meant to be enjoyed and not endured and right now I just can't figure out how to enjoy it at all. I don't want to feel like I am struggling because I want to feel like I am being challenged and I want to enjoy the journey instead of constantly feeling exhausted by my feelings.
#jealous #sister #friends #sad #upset #panic #attack #meltdown #envious #envy #my #life #hate #myself
Suzanne, I confess that I think about you constantly. I have never told you and you would have no reason to know, but I have been in love with you since the year your husband died. The truth is that it would be a forbidden love to this day. But I enjoy your company, your sense of humor, and your style. As I write this, my heart aches for you, wishing that we could be together. Nothing would make me happier. Of course, I have no certainty that you might even think of me in the same way.
#love #crush #heartache #confession
UFOs. If you see one do not go near it. Why do they keep saying they’re real? I’m now trying to convince my kids I never saw one, but I did. I’m telling my kids it was a balloon.
It wasn’t. I studied the thing. Nano tech. Amazing power source.
I wish I’d never started touching and studying the thing. Run if you see one. Go on vacation for a couple of weeks. Otherwise be ready for the grey’s.
Thankfully they decided to talk to me rather than abduct me. They found me impressive it seems. But they messed me up. I blocked all of this out. So I guess I’ve been to another dimension. Did they change me? When I die I won’t die. I’ll go to another dimension. So weird.
Stupid pilots & videos. I convinced myself I dreamed the whole mess. Now I know I don’t even get to die when I die.
I'm angry all the time over how arrogant and stupid my mother is. I just want to punch her in the throat. My mother blames everyone else for all her problems. She’s the one that ignores ever single warning about her fantastic life choices or who to trust. Then when things go south it’s OBVIOUSLY not her fault. Like my cousin, who is a notorious con artist AND has scammed her out of money in the past. She ignored every red flag and decided to buy a car from him. A car that she hadn’t even looked at before buying.That he insisted be paid in cash. It’s been 2 years and she hasn’t seen that car that supposedly exists. Yes, my cousin is an ass hat. However if my mother even listened to other people for once in her life she might see that she’s partially to blame. Maybe she might even make better choices in life if she paid attention to other people’s opinions and beliefs instead of living in her own world of denial and aggressive narcissism. But until that day comes, which it wont, it’s everyone else’s fault.
#family #familyissues #narcissism #stupidpeople #cantacceptblame #neverwrong #anger #punchingpeople
When my ex boyfriend broke up with me, I replaced his contact lenses solution with vodka.
Too bad for the vodka.
First contact? Now that the government is admitting Tic Tac UFOs are real, are we going to accept something built them? I saw one in the 1970’s. Studied it. Nano tech. Amazing. All the things they claim & more. But then comes all the craziness.
Walking thru walls. Telepathic communication. Going to another dimension.
Light bending armor. Squished animals. Things moved. Footprints that just start and stop. On and on. It’s like you have moments of insanity or hallucination. Yet other people see and hear things too. They even report others seeing things on TV. So you can’t be imaging it all.
Dangerous dog used as football. Animals are not humans. I had a neighbor who loved his dog more than humans. The previous owners gave it to him after it but someone. It was Uber aggressive.
One day it bit me. I was going to call animal control & have it put down as a danger to society but my wife begged me not to. I told her you have a small child. Your endangering your child’s life by letting it lived. It’s just a violent animal. It needs to be put down. She cried & pleaded. So like a fool I let it go.
I went and complained to the neighbor politely. He threatened me. Acted like it was his child. So I told him next time I’ll kick it’s butt. We have leash laws.
It harassed other neighbors. Like my wife they didn’t want to deal with it. It’s just a dog. Don’t hurt it. What about the humans? In the mountains we kill deadly aggressive animals. City people try to put human emotions in animals.
Well one day I’m walking my small children. It comes running down the road and tries to attack one.
I used to play football and soccer. I grabbed that thing and punted it like a football. Just a natural reaction. It was trying to attack my child. Nothing hurts my babies.
That dog sailed off like an NFL kick. Nice distance and hang time.
Well the neighbor came up threatening me and my children. I got very aggressive and he got scared. Some male neighbors had ran down and threatened to kick his butt. He ran to his home. Behind every mean dog is a mean human.
We wanted to call the city and have it euthanized. My wife begged us not to.
It tried to attack our small children. One was a newborn in a stroller. What it is with women? Leave dealing with animals to men.
Well no one called. So fast forward. I come home from the store one day and she’s in the house crying. She’s bleeding. Bite marks and scratches all over her arms and legs. What happened?
Oh she heard a scream. The dog had gotten out without a leash again. It ran a child on a bike down. Attacked the boy. Several woman had to run out to help the mom drag it off the boy. It attacked all of them too. No man was around to deal with the dog. Finally a man arrived and dealt with it. People including the boy were gone for stitches to a hospital. Some very angry husbands and one very angry dad were wanting a piece of the owner. He’d took off. The city had the dog. Uh huh. You don’t say. But it’s just a dog. It has feelings. It’s owner loves it like a child. Well it’s not a child. It’s a violent animal.
Well now my wife agreed. She looked at our children. Realized had she not helped it would have killed our neighbors child. She also realized that without that man showing up one of the women may have been killed.
Although our time was brief, I know that I really liked you and I still wish that it could have worked out between us.
What hurts the most is not anything that you did but all that didn't happen.
I believed I would never find love in this life and that this was enough.
Meeting you has taught me that I want to love.
It was so easy to like you and easy to imagine and desire more.
However, in our time together it was inescapably evident to me that I am not the person you would love. Not now, not as I am now.
Would there have been a chance for us if this was another time in our lives?
Confessions by confessionstories.org
