Stepmother Confessions

My stepmother gave me a vibrator. I'm only 13 and wasn't sure what to think. Why, did she give me this? Well the weird part, maybe a month later she asked how I liked it. I thought it was a private thing, so I just smiled and said it was too noisy. Then she continues on telling me not to worry and wants to know if I need a demonstration. What? I kind of want to tell my dad, but I don't want to rock the boat. I have known this lady 5 years and never expected she would do this. Did she want to use it on me or have me watch her use it? Before I try it, she will not be home and my door will be locked. How can I relax and try it?

#stepmother   #vibrator   #noisy   #private   #shocked   #confused   #weird  

I’m a straight woman who married a lesbian. I love her, she’s a great stepmom to my daughter, and it feels so amazing to be desired again, but I still feel conflicted.

My husband died suddenly several years ago. I was devastated, my daughter cried every day for a month. It took so much work between my and the rest of my family just to keep me stable so I could continue to work to provide for her (and I’m so grateful that I was able to do that). I’ve always been on the heavy side, and I gained even more weight over the next few years. It felt like nobody would or even could want me as a person ever again, and I even came to terms with that after a couple of truly awful dates and short-lived relationships.

Then I met my wife.

She was on an assignment in the same building I work in. Our building has a small lounge where I like to eat lunch every now and then just to get away from my desk; and one day she walked up to my table and asked if she could join me. She’s younger than me—a lot younger, about 13 years younger—but she was very fun to talk to and we had a lot shared interests, so I didn’t mind. We had lunch together again the next day, and the day after that, and then every other day until her assignment in the building was over. I got the sense that she was interested in me, and then on her last day on-site she asked me on a date and my heart just about skipped a beat.

Someone had asked me out. A *lesbian* had asked me out. And I didn’t want to say no.

I said yes and set up a sitter and then I went on my first date in four years and made out with her in my car after.

I know there’s a stereotype about lesbians showing up to their second date with a U-Haul, and we didn’t quite move that fast, but we did move pretty fast. I introduced her to my daughter (as “mommy’s friend from work”) on the second date. We had sex on our third date. She was helping my daughter with her math homework the next morning. She didn’t officially move in until we’d been together for six months, but she spent more weekends at my house than at her apartment. She proposed to me at exactly the one-year mark, but my daughter was already calling her “mom” before then.

Like I said, I love my wife. I love that she loves me, I love that she desires me, I love that she has stepped into the stepmom role without a moment’s hesitation, I love spending time with her and everything we do together, and she is the best and most generous lover I have ever had.

But I still consider myself a straight woman. I still have moments when I look at her and it takes me an embarrassingly long time to remember that I married this woman. When we’re having sex, sometimes I have to close my eyes when I kiss her to get over my initial “but this is a woman” instincts, and going down on her has always been hard (and I don’t think I’ll ever be really good at it). I also still have some shame about my weight, and even though it’s clear my wife views my weight as a PLUS, sometimes I can’t help but feel fetishized, especially when she wants me on top of her and I get worried I’ll crush her.

My parents have never been fully on board with my wife, either. They stopped saying mean things about her, and she stopped griping to me about them, but especially with all of the “groomer” talk going around lately it feels so very tense every time we see them.

Overall, I suppose we’re pretty happy together. Looking at my wedding ring, I guess I can’t say I’m still with her “for the novelty” like I used to. I don’t fully know what to call myself and don’t feel comfortable calling myself “queer” because that was an insult other kids my age called each other growing up, but my wife openly embraces the label and would for-sure say we’re in a “queer marriage.”

So that’s where I’m at, I guess.

#marriage   #lesbian   #stepmother   #straight   #bbw