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I’m suffering from self harm addiction and I’m so guilty because I promised everyone I’d stop but I can’t especially when I have a very bad day
I am 44 years old, married and a good mother (I hope I am, at least). I have 4 children, but the younger 2 were both fathered by a teenage friend of my eldest son. He was in high school when he began to first flirt with me, I figured it out but put it down to a teenage crush like boys have on teachers.
He was already tall and quite strongly built, my family are mostly shorter and nice-looking, but not football player types. My son would go to baseball practice, his friend (I will call him J) to football and then they would both come over for some food before heading home. My husband suggested my son (they are not biological father-son) start some extra credit evening classes to help get into a good school, so he started going to the local community college. My younger son was always at the neighbour's house with his best friend. When my husband told J he was welcome to keep coming over for food and drink, it would be just the two of us home (my husband had a long commute and worked late anyway).
After this J's flirting became more pronounced. Earlier he would just tease and stare, now he began to talk about his experience with girls, and even to brush up against me any chance he got. At first I was firm but polite, and careful to keep a distance. But one day he ground his crotch up against my ass, and I felt his hard cock. Even through my skirt and his shorts I could feel it was huge - much bigger than my husbands. I chided him a bit, but couldn't get the thought out of my head. That weekend, I masturbated thinking of J in me.
The next week, he was watching me, and I was waiting for him to touch me again. A few days passed and he didn't. On Thursday he surprised me by coming in the afternoon, saying practice was cancelled and could he please have some lunch. I went to the kitchen and began working, when he grabbed me from behind, cupped my chin and turned my face and stuck his tongue down my throat. I struggled, but he was far too strong. After a long time, he stopped kissing me and gripped my hands behind my back. I was so dizzy and confused, I couldn't speak, just stared at him and he just stared at me. With his other hand he lifted my skirt and pulled my panties off, then pulled his own pants down.
I couldn't see it, but I felt it when his dick entered me. I had never had one that big (I later measured it as over 7 inches and very thick) and I began to gasp. He clapped a hand over my mouth and thrust hard. Luckily my pussy was wet from all the kissing, and I was able to take him without too much pain. I don't remember how long it lasted, but I had an orgasm very soon and he came inside me as well. I was still in a daze when he let me go, when I turned around he was standing over me. I know I had just been raped, but at that moment on a kind of autopilot I put my arms round his neck and kissed him.
He was hard again and picked me up in his arms like I was a doll, and began carrying me upstairs. I asked him not to take me to my marriage bed, so he took me to my eldest son's room. That afternoon, I just kept cumming while staring at a Metallica poster above my son's bed. After that day, every day J would come, kiss me like he was my husband coming home, carry me upstairs and make love to me.
I was 36 at the time and still very fertile. My husband used condoms, as I had thyroid troubles with the pill. J did not use condoms, and for some reason I never asked him. About a month after we started, I found out I was pregnant, and the next year gave birth to Js daughter. To my lasting shame, I concealed everything and tricked my husband into thinking it was his.. J and I continued our liaisons all through my pregnancy, but after that I became busy with the baby and the frequency of our trysts decreased.
A year or so later, my eldest son went off to college, my younger was awarded a scholarship to a residential prep school and moved out too. J was still in town, intending on taking a gap year. With the house now empty, my baby still too young, J once again began coming over daily and I was unable to resist. This time I insisted he use condoms, but sometimes he would just ignore my protests. In November, J left for a job in South America, and shortly afterwards I discovered I was pregnant again. This time I seriously considered an abortion, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I went through the whole charade again, and gave birth to J's son.
This caused a lot of friction in my marriage, as a 2nd unplanned pregnancy was a great strain on our finances. I decided to get a job as soon as the baby was older, which conveniently helped me avoid J when he did come back, and later when he was home from college as well. When he did catch me, we did have some fun (he wouldn't take no for an answer, and I couldn't resist him really) but after he got a job post-college, we have not met.
I am happy with my two young babies, and I know my husband loves them deeply too. It's a gut wrench to deceive him, as he is a wonderful man, but at the same time I feel very liberated and a secret part of me is almost exultant that I had a great affair and came out of it happier than I was before.
I highly resent my oldest stepson and secretly count down the days until he leaves for college in 7 years
#bottling #hate #stepson #college #depression
Me and my son's girlfriend shopped all day for swimsuits. We shared changing rooms as we assisted one another. I confess I got wet, horny, and filled with naughty thoughts. I am straight but got so aroused by her. I found myself looking her over. And now I get wet thinking of touching her naked body, and more. Something is wrong with me.
#lust #badthoughts #sexy #horny #naked #wet #daughter #son #swimsuit #confess #help #wrong
My father use to be a pastor, and then he killed someone.
He was always really violent when he got angry, and it was hard to control him after that. He wasn't entirely abusive, but when he was mad, boy, was he a monster.
It didn't come to me as a surprise when I came home one day from school and the house was surrounded with people and police.
Dad apparently killed someone who accused him of lying about something. I was only 8, so I never really understood what exactly happened, and I never tried to even as I grew up.
My mom acted like it never happened, maybe it was her way of protecting me and my little brother.
She remarried 3 years later, but I hated her new husband and his daughter like crazy. They just drove me insane. I was really jealous because they seemed like the perfect family, and truth be told, his daughter was a total bitch.
I just started googling what I could do to get rid of them. There was divorce, lie about him raping me, and murder. No way in hell was I going to jail, though.
Luckily for me, they both loved to eat apples.
Everyday I would dig the trash out for the cores they threw out and collected the seeds.
I'd mash them up and flavour the mix, then sprinkle it on whatever they had to eat for the day.
When my stepfather died, the autopsy said they died of intoxication via apple seeds.
Everyone assumed it was because they ate too much apples, little did they know..
I kind of regret it now, but I eventualy found out my stepdad was cheating on my mother and was a bit abusive to her emotionally.
I guess I did a good job.
I argued with a friend of mine because he said things to me that hurt me very much.
I told him to stop but he kept on nagging and making jokes way below the belt.
It hurt really bad because he said some mean stuff about my personality.
I, then, told him my opinion on him and now he's mad at me! It wasn't even the bad stuff I think about him.
I'm writing this because I urge to cut myself again.
Haven't done it for a while ... well, I guess one or two weeks.
In the last few weeks, I felt so weak, so vulnerable.
The only thing that helps is cutting.
#cutting #personality #fight #friend #hurt
I masturbate with my mother's panties, i love sniffing/tasting and wearing them. I recently have put pics of my mother nude and none nude online, knowing men are masturbating to her and may recognize her, really turns me on
I'm almost deaf, so I hear very badly but I don't want anyone to know because they would certainly treat me different and I don't want to be treated like a disabled person. Not even my parents know whats going on.
I screwed up my relationship and it ended because I was too scared to tell the truth. Unknowingly to me at the time I was suffering from depression, I got myself into debt and I couldn’t get out of it. Instead of telling my partner I tried to deal with it myself. My partner had a temper, often wouldn’t speak to me for days or weeks on end if I had upset him even though I didn’t know what it was I had done wrong. He never asked me if I was ok, he never took any interest in me and I was constantly walking on eggshells. None of this excuses what I did. He started spending time away from me, told me he wasn’t happy with our relationship anymore and I think he had met someone else but would never admit it. I desperately wanted our relationship to work but it was too late. Several months later, we were still living together and he found out about my debt, I didn’t tell him but he found out and hit the roof. My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to die, he wouldn’t listen to me and it was the worst night of my entire life. I often have flashbacks to that night and even just writing about it makes me so anxious. I left our home the next day, our relationship was over. He told everyone we knew what I had done, people spat at me in the street and rightfully blamed me for everything. I lost everything, my home, possessions and a big part of myself that I will never get back. Years have now passed and he’s moved on with his life, met someone new and sold our home. I can’t move on. I hate myself so much, I can’t forgive myself for what I did and I know that I am a bad person. I haven’t rebuilt my life, I still have nothing and no home of my own. I have depression and I realise now that I have had it for a long time. I paid my debt off which should have been a big relief but it wasn’t, I desperately want my old life back and I know that I will never get it back and that is my punishment. People think that I have shown no remorse but I feel it every second of every day. I deserve to have a miserable life, I am scum.
I walked in on my son masturbating. I am embarresed. Now that I saw his penis, I keep wondering if he is that big or my husband is that small. So curious that I am googling average size. I am wrong but cannot help but think my husband is puny.
#embarresed #sizematters #huge #puny #son #husband #penis #masturbating #curious
It's my best friend's birthday today. And since we are little (she's 30 as of today), we used to wish each other happy birthday at exactly 12pm midnight. If we couldn't be with each other we skyped, talked on the phone or texted.
This year, I totally forgot. I talked to her on the phone yesterday, we also talked about her birthday and I still couldn't remember it!!!
I don't know if she's sad or something. I texted her as soon as I realized and she replied normally.
Uff, what a faux pas!!
#birthday #midnight #happy #song #fauxpas #shit #friend #bff
I think the only thing that kept me from doing something very violent was that my cousin\brother was right there and he's seen his mom be beaten enough already.
My best friend has been banging my mother for two years now. I find it hot to call him my dad now.
I confess that I should be in the dancing school right now. But instead, I'm sitting here, reading confessions.
I missed the last 3 lessons just because I'm too lazy.
#lazy #read #confessions #lesson #missed
I (f / 39) met a really nice guy, I am madly in love with him. At the moment, he's in prison for murder.
I know he bitterly regrets that he strangled his ex girlfriend after a huge fight and he suffers that he took a life of a human being.
It is expected that he will be released from prison this summer. I fell in love with him and I am ready to help him build up a new life, with me.
Of course, all of my friends and my son (19) are shocked warn me that I might be the next victim on his list.
Now my son issued an ultimatum. If I want to continue visiting the man, he will move out and he won't talk to me again. Now I should immediately choose my son over a murder but it's very hard for me because I like this man so much and I know that he has a lot of good qualities and features.
I am sorry that I am in love with a murder.
I am a 53 year old white woman named "Carol". My 26 year old daughter "Kim" married a black man, "Derrick" a few years ago. He's very nice and they're happily in love and I have a beautiful little grandson with another grandchild on the way. Things are wonderful.
Last year, my husband and I stayed at their home. they live in Atlanta, we live in Tampa, Florida.
While my husband was out one morning, and I thought the kids were up and out, I had a chore to do.
I was going to place a surprise anniversary gift for them, tickets for a trip to Cancun for a week on us, on their pillowcase for them to come home to. I thought Derrick had to work and Kim had said something about the gym in the morning.
I walked into their bedroom, the door was slightly open, and they were having sex. My daughter was on top of him and being very vocal about her enjoyment of it.I saw the look of pleasure in my daughter's eyes, and heard it in her voice, and realized that I'd never experienced anything like that in my life. Thankfully, they didn't see me but I cannot stop thinking about it.
When he withdrew from her I saw he was so well endowed that I almost gasped in shock. My God, how does she take that?!?!?!
I was so aroused by watching them that I feel ashamed that I have repeatedly masturbated about what I saw and fantasized and had dreams about having sex with Derrick myself.
I think I'm going mad.
Please pray for me.
#adultery #envy #lust #black #daughter #mother #envy #embarassment
My mom (39) wears skirts and tights so sheer that everyone can see her panty lines. It makes me feel embarrassed yet horny.
when i was a teenager mom and dad divorced. mom was drinking a lot and one night i found her sleeping on the couch. her robe had opened up and i could see her boobs and pubic hair. that was the first time i saw a grown up lady nude. i just looked at her and for the first time in my life i was getting sexually excited. i got my camera and took nude pictures of her to look at when i masturbated. i got up the courage to touch her boob. it was so soft and while i was touch her boob i was amazed her nipple got really long and hard. i touched her pubic hair it was soft and fuzzy and a little damp. while touch her pubic hair i discovered she has big things between her legs i later learned it was her labia lips. i moved them around and i was able to put my fingers inside of her.
i hated mom when she was drunk but now i couldnt wait for her to get drunk so i could explore, learn and experience the opposite sex. all my first sexual experiences were with my drunk mother and she never knew what i was doing. the best feeling in the world is being inside of her vaaina
Because I had a cold the last few days I didn't shower. But I had to drive my kids to school nevertheless and I had still some tasks to do. So I took my youngest boy (5 months old) and drove off to buy food. The only thing I could think of while in the store was a hot shower and I decided to drive home quickly to get one.
I bought all the stuff we needed and drove home. In the car on my way home I was sure I forgot something but I just couldn't find out what it was. At home, I immediately hopped under the shower and then I remembered!
I left my little son at the supermarket!!
I got back to the store and indeed, I left my son in his maxi cosi at the cash desk....
I know it's no excuse but I was very sick and I haven't slept for a few days. I can't tell you how sorry I am and this will not every happen again...
I want to confess that I am a terrible mother.
#mother #bad #terrible #cold #sick #shower #kids #forget #son #supermarket #store #confession #sin #despair
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. He's incredibly intelligent and funny, decent looks and is just so sweet and caring to me. He wants to date when he goes off to college but I don't want to and secretly, can't wait to end it with him since I get so bored. I get bored with all my relationships and can't seem to figure out how I can stop it. It actually makes me feel like shit since he does so much for me.
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