Sadist Confessions

I am a 17 year old male, and I really want to kill someone. I just want to do it because I think it would feel exhilarating. I want to feel the persons warm blood flow down my fingers going to my hands. Seeing and feeling the life empty from their body. I have no remorse, and have never killed anything before. I want to start with a human because it would be the best thing to ever feel. I should also state that I watch quite a bit of pornography and it is really hard to get hard, but I found out that blood and death works. That is one reason why I want to kill someone, but then again I also want to see the life leave them and be in fear watching me plunge a knife into their body. So it's a mixture of pleasure and sadistic thoughts to get off and watch murder first hand. I can't be the only one who has this, but why so young to have this? It makes me wonder, but then my thoughts are overtaken by the thought of death.

#death   #murder   #blood   #masturbation   #sadistic  

I had these feelings before I found out there was a name for them: Sexual Masochism. I often fantasise about being in pain, and being hurt and raped. I have never been abused in real life and I know I wouldn't ever want to be for real, but something about it turns me on. I can't stop thinking about it now, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I want someone to grab me by my neck, slam me against a wall, and hold a knife to my throat. I want them to violate me and then slowly kill me. I want to be tortured, beaten, raped, and then discarded. I know I shouldn't think about it but I can't stop. I often yearn for a sadistic man who will do these things and more. What can I do? How do I stop?

#sex   #bdsm   #sadist   #masochist   #rape   #fantasies