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I'm a 17 year old male and I have about 2 friends. I don't really even talk to them much anymore. I'm quite shy, and can't really talk to girls either. I just don't want to interaction with people.
It's not that I don't want friends, it's I see the world a different way. Instead of seeing all the joys, I see real truth. The bad, evil, and whatnot. I see the class in people, their true nature. I am very distrusting of people. My oldest friend of 10 years I still can't fully trust. I am also not up with the ages of ge to generation. They listen to the new today's music, talk with in ways that aren't even English, do drugs, sex, and that sort of thing. I can't do that. I like to make complete sentences using intelegent wording, I listen to music from 2008 prior. I don't know. I just can't stand it.
From all that I witness of my generation, I have started to hate people. I hate the non intelegent people who listen to today's music, can't make a proper sentence, don't even use words in the English dictionary and make up ones. It's not that I think of myself as superior to them, I just think that my generation starts the downfall of American society.
I think from this, it has taken a toll on me. I am severely depressed, I am highly paranoid, some Early signs of schizophrenia, multiple personalities, the list goes on. My generation and being around them upsets me. What happened to our society? Where is it going? How long will it take? I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to commit suicide, in my eyes suicide is for the weak and if you fail suicide your a failure of a human and any living organism, my anger is building up. Nobody knows about it. I hide my emotions and it builds up. One of these days I'm going to burst. Nobody knows how dangerous I can be. It's not going to be good.
This kills me, it really does. Someone has to do it though, and it's going to be me.
My mother has been psychologically, physically, and verbally abusive since I learned how to walk pretty much. She got into deep shit for it when teachers found out one day, and now she just abuses me verbally and psychologically because it won't leave bruises or cuts.
One day my father left her because he couldn't stand it anymore. Now It's just her and I.
I feel so torn down by her that I repeatedly lose hope looking for a job and apartment, and each time reality strikes, making me see that I'm stuck with her. I just want to die sometimes.
#abuse #hopeless #physical #psychological #verbal #divorce #suicidal
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