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I'm almost deaf, so I hear very badly but I don't want anyone to know because they would certainly treat me different and I don't want to be treated like a disabled person. Not even my parents know whats going on.
I'm truly and honestly afraid of disabled persons. No matter if mentally disabled or physically.
Even if I try to talk myself into believing that they it's not their fault, it just creeps me out. I was in an elevator with one once and I almost started crying, I even hyperventilated and almost passed out.
I avoid this topic and everything that has to do with it.
#disabled #person #mentally #physically #creep #elevator #scared
I think the only thing that kept me from doing something very violent was that my cousin\brother was right there and he's seen his mom be beaten enough already.
I argued with a friend of mine because he said things to me that hurt me very much.
I told him to stop but he kept on nagging and making jokes way below the belt.
It hurt really bad because he said some mean stuff about my personality.
I, then, told him my opinion on him and now he's mad at me! It wasn't even the bad stuff I think about him.
I'm writing this because I urge to cut myself again.
Haven't done it for a while ... well, I guess one or two weeks.
In the last few weeks, I felt so weak, so vulnerable.
The only thing that helps is cutting.
#cutting #personality #fight #friend #hurt
I do not know what to do and I feel so guilty right now. My mother passed away in 2011 and I held her in my arms when she died. After the funeral, the rumours started. Even my sister, who is now not a part of my life anymore because I cut her out, accused me of killing our mother. This was especially hard for me. And now, 8 years later, I still have to listen to those accusations. They say that I treated my mother badly and that I had hit her. I have to disagree. No, I did not! I never hit my mom, but I of course was not the picture perfect son. I made mistakes and I am very sorry for them. I do not pray as often as others might do, but I think about mom all the time. I look after my mother's grave and bring flowers regularly and when I am there I am talking to her and asking her for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made.
Do you think she can hear me?
I think I might be a murderer after all... Am I a bad person? I start to think that I am. I would like to apologize here once more for how I treated my mother some times. I was a teenager and had my own head. I asked for her forgiveness, but is that enough?
Shortly after she died she visited me in my dreams, but now everything is empty. There are only nightmares.
But I will try to get better. To get a better person.
I promise, Mom.
xx
#mom #deceased #died #mother #grave #murderer #sister #empty #lonely #confession #forgiveness #guilty #bad #person
I’m suffering from self harm addiction and I’m so guilty because I promised everyone I’d stop but I can’t especially when I have a very bad day
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. He's incredibly intelligent and funny, decent looks and is just so sweet and caring to me. He wants to date when he goes off to college but I don't want to and secretly, can't wait to end it with him since I get so bored. I get bored with all my relationships and can't seem to figure out how I can stop it. It actually makes me feel like shit since he does so much for me.
I screwed up my relationship and it ended because I was too scared to tell the truth. Unknowingly to me at the time I was suffering from depression, I got myself into debt and I couldn’t get out of it. Instead of telling my partner I tried to deal with it myself. My partner had a temper, often wouldn’t speak to me for days or weeks on end if I had upset him even though I didn’t know what it was I had done wrong. He never asked me if I was ok, he never took any interest in me and I was constantly walking on eggshells. None of this excuses what I did. He started spending time away from me, told me he wasn’t happy with our relationship anymore and I think he had met someone else but would never admit it. I desperately wanted our relationship to work but it was too late. Several months later, we were still living together and he found out about my debt, I didn’t tell him but he found out and hit the roof. My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to die, he wouldn’t listen to me and it was the worst night of my entire life. I often have flashbacks to that night and even just writing about it makes me so anxious. I left our home the next day, our relationship was over. He told everyone we knew what I had done, people spat at me in the street and rightfully blamed me for everything. I lost everything, my home, possessions and a big part of myself that I will never get back. Years have now passed and he’s moved on with his life, met someone new and sold our home. I can’t move on. I hate myself so much, I can’t forgive myself for what I did and I know that I am a bad person. I haven’t rebuilt my life, I still have nothing and no home of my own. I have depression and I realise now that I have had it for a long time. I paid my debt off which should have been a big relief but it wasn’t, I desperately want my old life back and I know that I will never get it back and that is my punishment. People think that I have shown no remorse but I feel it every second of every day. I deserve to have a miserable life, I am scum.
I'm cheating/lying to/on my GF. No one except really close friends even know we're dating, but I wish we were still just best friends like we were in the past. She confessed her attraction and love for me over skype one day. At the time she was at an extreme low point in her life, and she put me on the spot. I could only think about what she'd do if I didn't accept her confession, she would kill herself. I knew it. I felt it. So I told her that I was feeling the same way, with intentions to eventually break up with her. Now I'm here. I'm not even really all that sure I'm bi. Do I like lesbian porn, yes. But who doesn't?! I still think dicks are awesome and I'd much rather ride some guys dick than finger another girls pussy. It's just not for me. On top of all of that, I was flirting behind her back. I'm a freshman in high school and she's an eighth grader in middle school. I feel so guilty. I know it was wrong, I even have a male date to homecoming. But I'm not gonna go cause it's just too wrong feeling for me. I can't keep this up! I know I have to break up with her eventually but she's so unstable. I could really ruin her for good. She loves me and I don't love her. I still see her as JUST my best friend. I'm an awful human being for leading both her and the guy on. I should just kill myself for doing this. I deserve to die.
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