Mentalheath Confessions

I Just seem to have the worst Social Issues ever no matter who tries to be my friend I end up hating their guts in the end. Maybe it has to do with trust issues that I just refuse to let go of, bad choices I made in my life, bad crowds I hung around with, but the problem is my friends say they really care about me yet I really hate them because they care about me. I know it sounds fucked up but it's just that I became friends with these guys over common interest, we used to text eachother every day and would do skype calls but then one day is when my metamorphosis began.

I grew jealous and angry after my friends started playing some stupid game and asked me to join I flat out refused despite them bugging me to play it with them, then I would ignore them when they would go to call me on skype, then they would ask why I wouldn't join them, I wouldn't answer, they were on facebook talking all the time and I refused to join them no matter how they kept bugging me to join even wanting me to play a game with them so I chose to avoid them.

Time after Time I began avoiding them whenever they wanted me to game with them, hang out, or to just talk, it later escalated with me yelling at them, getting angry at them, this one friend I have is a sweet kind hearted person and I treated him like shit, he wanted to talk with me and hang out but I just flat out treated him like shit, I would force them to remove me from tagged posts on facebook, in face i've even threatened them and called them a loser.

But where things really went downhill was when we made plans the whole weekednd to hangout and as usual I got cold feet and lied about not feeling good when in reality I wanted to but the thing is I was so pissed off at them and it was all because that retard had to go and make some tribute post with me in it, that really made my blood boil, it sickens me when they do these nice things for me, tagging me in stuff, making tribute posts, I swear I wish these fucking losers would all die in a car accident.

Then for some reason I joined but retard's pc crashed in the middle of the shitty game they ply and I was happy but then he's like "Dude you know what, it's obvious you hate us so we're not going to talk to you for a while." Ever since then we barely walk to each other anymore, I am starting to regret all of my actions, the way I treated my friends, getting angry at them for no reason, hating them, and wishing bodily harm on them, i'm such a disgusting person all I want is to make things right but sadly I feel like the damage has already been done.

I did however try to be a better friend and make up for my mistakes but sadly they began acting like assholes to me and made life hard for me. They would intentionally try to leave me out of shit on purpose and always had the "sorry we forgot about you" excuse or "We didn't have time." Bullshit then they always say it was a mistake or blame it on their computers why messages never got sent; seriously how many more fucking excuses are you going to give me. Not to mention his constant habit of breaking promises every single time he makes them; he promises to do something, he promises to hang out and guess what all he does is break promises and then when I asked what happened, he takes his fucking depression out on me for no reason and gets moody with me and then says "Life's not fair, woe is me, leave me alone." I didn't do a goddamn thing to you and you decide to take your problems out on me all because you want to act like a selfish spoiled little baby and have a woe is me attitude with me.

Then you apologize to me and say you wasn't feeling good, well guess what when I got mad at you, you decide you can't take it and then when I tell you about how much of an asshole you acted like, you get all defensive about it and have the nerve to think we should forget about it, how about you fucking take some ownership of your own problems and learn to control them and maybe we can move on but no and guess what they keep happening all the time.

Then when he blocked me after I tried to say hi and he gets all pissed off at me saying I was spamming him I decided I had enough and then after I told him how pissed off I was at him; he threatened to take legal action me claiming I was abusing him; are you out of your goddamn mind; number one you were the one who decided to take your bad day and depression out on me and I was sick of it and then you go and play victim saying I was abusing you.

You know what if that's how you are going to act then you know what you don't deserve any friends at all if you can't take any criticism and want to play victim and act like the world has something against you; you seriously need some goddamn counselling because you are obviously troubled and you take your troubles out on those who try to be good to you; you really need help, badly because you may end up taking it out on the wrong person and they would beat the shit out of you, and you really need your ass beat for how much of an asshole you've been acting, not to mention just a few days before, he gotten his videos he worked on taken down unfairly by youtube and when I showed my support to him, he embraced it, but then days later he would go and take his fucking mood swings out on me.

Worst of all, after we made up and he said he would start acting like a true friend again, he clearly couldn't keep his promise at all, as he would duck my messages on purpose, then say he is still upset over this long message I sent that I would never have said to him if he hadn't pissed me off that day. Oh my god, get the fuck over it already, Jesus Fucking Christ get this retard some help, not to mention I gave him a shoutout and he blatantly ignored me and when I told him about it he said I ruined his day; no dumbass you ruined my day all because I was trying to tell you to correct your mistake and what do you do, you get defensive and instead of correcting that mistake you instead act like an asshole.

Not to mention you promised to do something for my birthday and what did you do; not a goddamn thing, all you care more about is your audience on Youtube which is about 80 subscribers rather than tell your friend Happy Birthday and do something for them and be a good friend to them, but no you fucked that up, and why should I be friends with you anymore if you are going to ruin my birthday and break a promise; dude you really made me mad, so mad I really want to beat the fuck out of you, because there's only so much anyone can take. I remember one time you said you haven't acted like a good friend and acted like a dick and yet you continue to act like one and make me feel bad and make everything seem like my fault and the fact that he's to spineless to accept his own mistakes and correct them really makes me want to break his fucking neck.

then after we made up one last time, you promised to make a better effort and at first you made me believe you was going to change but nope you just can't and won't do it, you continue to duck my messages, show any support, get moody, defensive, caring more about your views on youtube then your friends, called me a sore loser when we gamed and then worst blocked me all because you think I get mad at you all the time, no dipshit I wouldn't get so mad at you all the time if you stopped taking your depression and mood swings out on me, kept your promises since you clearly can't keep one if it saved your life, owning up to your mistakes, and stop playing the victim all the time; you obviously have a problem with me and have had a problem with me and you are too much of a goddamn pussy to admit that you do; so you know what have a miserable life, you obviously don't want me in your's and I sure as hell no longer want you in mine and you know what since you think friends grow apart, then I hope you lose every single friend you have in your life because you have a problem with me and clearly don't want to be around me, and I hope somebody does the same to you like you've done to me, and don't you dare beg for my forgiveness because i've cut all ties with you, and lastly, I really do hope you fail at everything you do in your life because you never keep your promises, you get defensive over your own bullshit, you refuse to let go of shit and expect me to do the same when clearly you refuse to, you play victim all the time, you never compromise, you never show any commitment, you care more about your views on youtube than doing stuff with your friends, you never show your friends any support when they ask you for help, and anytime you say you'll change you never do so for those reasons I hope you fail in life and that karma will hit you and then make you see everything you have done wrong, so fuck you loser.

#friends   #gaming   #mentalheath